The Vivian of two years ago would not have done what I just did in this past week.
She would not have had the courage to ask anyone if she could be a part of something they were a part of. She would have thought too much about things that she just never ended up getting anything done, because she was scared. She would have questioned her motives, and when the pressure kicked in, blame someone else for her own misfortunes.
Vivian is evolving.
I refuse to curl up into a ball in my bed and forget about this world, like I once did. I refuse to blame someone else for the things that don't go right in life. I will cry when I am sad and laugh when I am happy, but I will move on when I have to. I will be brave and ask questions, because it doesn't matter what people think of me, or what I think of myself.
I was put here on this earth for a reason, and as such I'd better give it all up for my Creator. If I truly live for Him and Him alone, the rest of this I should count as loss.
It's been a struggle. I don't seem to have consistency in my daily devotions, if that's what one calls a great relationship with God. I've been struggling with loving people, because each time I try and trust someone to look out for me in this strange land called America, they mess it up.
But Christ died for us while we were still sinners. I am grateful for the gift of Jesus, for my salvation. I am overwhelmed by my God's grace and mercy, that led to my redemption. It's just not worth it. It's not worth holding onto anyone's rights or wrongs, because in the end, we are all broken people, saved by a loving and merciful God.
That also pretty much means, it's not by what I do or what I say that determines how God loves me. God loves me because He chose to love me. He chose to love all of us. By what God has done, He's altered the world in both cosmic and personal measures.
And that's what I choose to focus on.
