Maybe, definitely

So maybe sports isn't so bad after all.

I still haven't gotten a chance to practice playing frisbee, but I got to try it out. I played captain ball today after Alpha, and hey, it wasn't too bad. It was pretty fun, although I do admit I could learn to spread out on the playing field and catch the ball more effectively.

But hey, it was pretty great.

So maybe this fellowship thing is working out too.

I've been talking to God about having something like this happen, because I believe fellowship was key in building relationships with others, though the purpose of Alpha was to introduce Christ to those who have yet to know Him. I spoke about it to one of my bros over dinner the other night, saying that perhaps there needs to be more effort gone into fellowship and more utility in Alpha as an evangelistic tool, but he pretty much just said "Relationships take time" and "We're not to shun the gospel down someone's throat" in response. I'm not quite sure he got what I meant seeing that those responses were a bit on the extreme side, but I don't blame him. I guess everyone has a different take on how the course of relationships should take place, but I personally feel that it's about time some of us (other than me) hung out with Megs.

When I reminisce my time in CF, I am reminded of how friendly and hospitable we all were to one another. It was such a great example of the overflowing of the Father's love, that we could not contain our love for Him that we let it overflow into the lives of others by displaying the same love. I wanted that to happen in church, but I wasn't sure if my heart was right when it came to this; I wondered if I was being a little biased since I had spent more than a year in CF and barely invested in relationships in church, or if I was having unrealistic expectations about what church should be, and was comparing things again to CF. Thus, I decided not to tread that ground over dinner with the others, especially since that bro replied as such.

But God is faithful. He knew what was in my heart, and He assured me that He had everything under control.

Megs*, Day* and I went out for Boat Noodle after captain ball today. Initially, it was just gonna be Megs and I, as usual, having our Sunday night hangout sesh, because most people were having dinner with their families, not excluding Day himself. However, after a phone call, he decided he could join us because his plans with his family got called off. So we headed off to Jaya One together and got to chatter over food. It was pretty funny (because Day's jokes are extremely hilarious and LAME) and I think Day and Megs got to know each other slightly better.

And the craziest thing was, I didn't even speak to Day about this since I got put off the other day. But God knew better.

In all, I praise the Lord, for His faithfulness. Although I'm not too sure how things will turn out over the next couple of weeks, but I am sure that God's ways are above my ways, and His thoughts are above my thoughts. I only need to trust in the work that He is doing, that He will bring it into completion, and I must be obedient to His call and linger in His love at all times. He did it today, and I'm sure there is more, in time to come.

So maybe I don't have to get what I want to be happy.

I know this appears to come from an unknown place, but maybe, JUST MAYBE, I don't have to be with someone who is my "type" to be happy. I had the opportunity to share a brief account of my past relationship in accordance with how God answered prayers, and it suddenly dawned upon me that the person I am currently attracted to was pretty much the same type of guy I dated, in my previous relationship. Well sure, there were several attributes in their personality that were different, but all in all, they were similar in terms of physical attributes. And so I'm starting to think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, that God did not or has not allowed anything to happen between us because He knew better than for me to be tempted and make the same dumb mistake I made last year.

Sure, I'm a little stronger than I was before, but as strong as I am spiritually, I will always need to be anchored to God, because in my own strength I am weak. The weakness of God is greater than my strength. God knows what I need, and maybe, just maybe, He knows I don't need this particular person to make me happy. It could be anyone, and I need to let Him let His plan come into fruition.

Of course, that does not mean I shun every other guy who seems to be my "type" because I think that's what God's plan is. It's still a maybe, after all, but hey, I'd like to keep an open mind about His will, though I am determined to be shut towards anything that sets itself against the knowledge of God.

So definitely, I'd say today was a great day. In fact, this entire week has been pretty amazing.

I made a conscious decision to focus on others instead of myself, I allowed others to speak into my life and rebuke me, and I let myself be honest not just to others, but to myself. I've realized that sometimes I allow things to be complicated, when really it's all so simple. I was also reminded that there are many people, especially my family members, who love me, regardless of whether they understand me or not. They truly care, and whether I am okay or not okay, as long as they are aware of how I've been doing, they are assured about me and glad.

I think my shards are slowly becoming visible to others, but that's okay. Everyone is broken, and I'm broken too. I'm sometimes concerned about what people would say when they see the broken pieces of my life that I've concealed for so long, but I really don't care anymore what people say. I only need Jesus, and I know that He'll make things come together for my good.

And so will He, for all those who love Him and His kingdom :)

* Names have been changed in reverence of the individuals referred to above and the acknowledgement of their right to privacy