Saturday, September 15, 2012

All of this

I wasn't actually planning on blogging but then I felt obliged to do so because my trials are over and I now have no excuse not to, especially since my days have gotten a little more mundane recently.

So yes, I currently do not have any more exams until SPM, which begins at the beginning of November. I do have an English Literature exam tomorrow, but I wouldn't call that a concern (or should I?). Well, never mind that. The point is, the school exams are over and now there's really nothing in life worth looking forward to until SPM is truly over.

Sure, there's this wedding dinner at Penang which I'll be attending at the end of this month and then graduation, which happens in October, but other than these events, there seems to be nothing of interest lately. Perhaps I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms from the daily rigmarole of life during trials, or perhaps not. Anyhow, my level of enthusiasm has shrunk drastically. Nothing makes me amused anymore. Nothing brings me a sense of relief nor a sense of urgency. I'm not even nonchalant - I'm totally INDIFFERENT.

My walk with God has been.. Well, let's just say I let it slide for a bit during trials and now I'm attempting to pick up the pace and continue walking with Him. It isn't easy at times. In fact, I feel like I've been a terrible example of a Christian lately. I cried in school the other day after my Chemistry Paper 3 when I realised I'd written the wrong salts for the experiment section because I didn't read the question. Honestly, that isn't new, but the fact that I put in so much effort memorizing so many different types of salts and penning them down on the test pad really bothered me. I'm not the only one who made this mistake and yet I was the one who broke down so easily. It was really embarrassing.

I don't even recall the last time I cried in school. It only goes to show I don't practice what I preach. I believe my exact words are, "People make mistakes," and "We cannot change the past, but we can learn from it." Well, well, look who's talking eh? I just hope none of my friends will judge me. I'm confident they won't, but I won't say the same for my peers. Oh well, it's nothing of importance. I shall get over it and laugh heartily when I reminisce my naivete in the years to come.

But yes, regarding my walk with God, I'm still talking to Him. There is not a day where I could go on in life without at least thinking about God. I might not spend time with Him a lot, but I do ponder upon God at times. Somewhat it still bothers me that I've not been prioritizing well, but I'm not about to give up. Not now. AND NOT EVER. As long as I still have the heart for God, He will see me through. I will persevere.

On a lighter note, my birthday was last Sunday. Since it was the day before the Biology paper, I didn't have a chance to celebrate, but all the wishes and presents from friends, acquaintances and my family members really moved me and made my day memorable. I have to say, it was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. I used to think birthdays should be acknowledged at a large scale for it to matter, but now I only care for the acknowledgement of loved ones and those I care about instead. In fact, I rather loathe it when people I'm not really close to wish me. I don't really know them, and it seems more a Facebook ritual than a sincere gesture from the heart in all honesty. But I do appreciate those who have made the effort to wish me on Sunday as I was ushering for Uth service. My gratitude is prevalent to all :)

I have to go and get ready for church now, but I won't leave without a few photos. I have much to say, but I'm afraid I don't have much time at the moment. These photos were taken while I was at Cameron Highlands the other day. I can't remember when exactly, but here you go.

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