Tuesday, October 16, 2012


I ran out of ideas. There's no specific reason why I decided to go with 'unfold'.

Or perhaps there is. For instance, it is exactly 20 more days until I unfold what SPM has in store for me. I'll also be graduating from high school this Saturday, which is in 4 days so I guess there is reason behind my vague blog post title. There is really plenty to unfold in the coming weeks and life isn't slowing down at all. In fact, it's actually picking up the pace albeit too quickly and I don't know if I have the capacity to catch up with it.

Anyhow, I haven't been studying much. I actually expected myself to be a lot more stringent in routine and far much anxious about SPM that I have been in the past few months. Trials proved to be a terrifying ordeal and now the real Godzilla is approaching, and yet I've been slacking lately. And as I have mentioned before, it is exactly 20 more days until the first paper I'll be sitting for, which is BM and I've been doing a pretty good job of screwing up my 'tatabahasa' section lately. I'm just hoping the actual paper won't be as difficult, but as it is a major exam, it'd be quite hard to say, which means I'll just have to put in all my effort and hope things won't turn out too bad.

I was quite disappointed with my trial results earlier, but now I'm starting to rethink my reaction towards my achievement. I did get a string of As, although it consisted of only 1 A+ and 2A-s but my class position paid the price for my nonchalance as many of my classmates who had put in so much effort (in looking for tips, I dare say) managed to displace me as they had obtained more A+s than I did. After moaning in abject agony and misery for a few weeks, I decided to reevaluate my achievements and my efforts to see where I had gone amiss.

And that was when I realised, I hadn't really put in that much effort for my trials. Moreover, I believe God might have had something to do with this. Only now did it occur to me that if I had studied the way I did without God's grace, I would not have acquired those results. An individual like me who gloats in misery about how terrible and incomplete my life is totally doesn't deserve such results! It was then that I begun to realise that I was only able to do so much because God was there for me.

So now I feel less terrible about my results and ever more grateful to God, but am still lacking in enthusiasm. I guess I'll have to keep praying and hopefully by God's grace, I'll make it through :)

Other than SPM, there has been other thoughts that have been permeating my mind lately. I won't be specific, but let's just say I've acquired a physical attraction towards this guy I'm acquainted with but not close to. It's actually quite odd if I might say so myself since I'd been oblivious to him for quite some time and it was only that other day when I was on duty with him that I realised he was actually quite charming in physique.

Prior to this incident, I never believed in love at first sight, but now.. I'm not so sure. Perhaps it is lust or the mind's sinister undercurrents towards physical attraction, but whatever it is, I am absolutely not going to pursue it. I did a very stupid thing of adding him on Facebook and making a big fuss about what to comment on his wall post but I'm just going to ignore myself and get on with it.


I'm also quite excited to be leaving this wretched institute of education and adjourn into a new phase in life - college! I already have plans of my own, but it's really up to God whether or not I am able to carry them out. I'm completely relying on God's grace now to make it through (well, attempting to at least) and I just hope God will bring upon some revelation in my life.

I have Chemistry tuition in a bit, so I'll have to end it here. The amount of hits on my blog has increased a little over the week ever since I installed that Feedjit widget on the sidebar, although there has been no record of the people who have landed on my blog so far. I'm just hoping there's no one  familiar here because it would be embarrassing if anyone found out about my "romantic" undertakings and started a wildfire.

Alright, off I go.

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