The Great Divide

This is what Jon Foreman, the lead singer of Switchfoot responded when asked if Switchfoot was a "Christian" band (let's for a second assume that we know what the media's actual intentions are upon asking this question)

“To be honest, this question grieves me because I feel that it represents a much bigger issue than simply a couple SF tunes. In true Socratic form, let me ask you a few questions: Does Lewis or Tolkien mention Christ in any of their fictional series? Are Bach’s sonatas Christian? What is more Christ-like, feeding the poor, making furniture, cleaning bathrooms, or painting a sunset? There is a schism between the sacred and the secular in all of our modern minds. 

The view that a pastor is more ‘Christian’ than a girls volleyball coach is flawed and heretical. The stance that a worship leader is more spiritual than a janitor is condescending and flawed. These different callings and purposes further demonstrate God’s sovereignty.  

Many songs are worthy of being written. Switchfoot will write some, Keith Green, Bach, and perhaps yourself have written others. Some of these songs are about redemption, others about the sunrise, others about nothing in particular: written for the simple joy of music. 

None of these songs has been born again, and to that end there is no such thing as Christian music. No. Christ didn't come and die for my songs, he came for me. Yes. My songs are a part of my life. But judging from scripture I can only conclude that our God is much more interested in how I treat the poor and the broken and the hungry than the personal pronouns I use when I sing. I am a believer. Many of these songs talk about this belief. An obligation to say this or do that does not sound like the glorious freedom that Christ died to afford me. 

I do have an obligation, however, a debt that cannot be settled by my lyrical decisions. My life will be judged by my obedience, not my ability to confine my lyrics to this box or that. 

We all have a different calling; Switchfoot is trying to be obedient to who we are called to be. We're not trying to be Audio A or U2 or POD or Bach: we're trying to be Switchfoot. You see, a song that has the words: ‘Jesus Christ’ is no more or less ‘Christian’ than an instrumental piece. (I've heard lots of people say Jesus Christ and they weren't talking about their redeemer.) You see, Jesus didn't die for any of my tunes. So there is no hierarchy of life or songs or occupation only obedience. We have a call to take up our cross and follow. We can be sure that these roads will be different for all of us. Just as you have one body and every part has a different function, so in Christ we who are many form one body and each of us belongs to all the others. Please be slow to judge ‘brothers’ who have a different calling.”

I would never have been able to sum it up this way, but fellas, THIS IS THE TRUTH. And we all ought to face it that as Christians we are called to be obedient to our calling, regardless of whether it pertains directly or indirectly to the Kingdom of God.

Overcoming pride (Part 2)

Before I carry on, allow me to apologize for the pride expressed in my previous post. I know I've highlighted many injustices that I felt my fellow brothers in Christ have had against me, but I have come to realize that it is not for me to say who is right or wrong. After all, we are all the epitome of human imperfection and even I am not free from sin, from the making of mistakes. I still possess very strong emotions myself and I am learning to handle them by relying on His strength. In spite of that, I must say, lately I've been quite successful at converting most of my rage into tears. It might sound peculiar to everyone else, but personally it brings me great joy because I know once I've shed them, I remember what He has done for me and the transformation He pioneers in my life that will come into full completion in time.

Therefore, I sincerely apologize for the comments I have made in my previous post and I am assured that in addressing these issues with guidance from the Holy Spirit, slowly I will cease to withhold distaste or even hatred against anyone.

I'll be frank, I wasn't planning on blogging today because I have many other commitments to abide by such as my IR quiz tonight, my TOEFL test tomorrow (keep me in prayer!) and my research proposal due next week. These evils have rendered me trapped within the confines of my room in an attempt to study, but having read the books of 1 and 2 Timothy in the Bible a couple of moments ago, I felt there was a need to jot down some of the Scriptures that I felt spoke to me. There were a few Scriptures that stood out as I recited it out loud, but I'll share just one of them here as I feel it relates to some of the issues I've been having with regards to the realm of relationships - between brethren, that is.

As I mentioned in my earlier post, I have been ensconced in a conflict with one of my sibling in Christs for quite some time now. I stated that a difference in ideals and temperance were the sole causes of this matter, but now I'm beginning to see that the problem does partly have to do with myself as well. I've had many experiences myself in relationships that see a clash in opinion as a daily undertaking, but never have I in my entire life resolved to overcome the issue. If something ever turned out bad a couple of years ago, you would have seen my back turned against the person I was conflicted with, never to speak to them ever again. I saw that as the most grandiose of solutions as well as a permanent resolve to most conflicts, and for many years it remained that way.

However, the Vivian I was 4 years ago and the Vivian I am right now are two different people altogether. The person I was a couple years back was one inclined towards retaliation and revenge. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. I was always out to justify my right, my stand and I relied on the views of others to remain steadfast as a person. Upon glancing at today's circumstances, I must admit I still hold some of the same emotions. I still have some of my wounds with me although they're beginning to clot and dry up. Soon they will be scars - marks that will remind me of the mistakes I once made, the sin I once took joy in before I regularly repented and renewed my mind. The only contrast between then and now would be that my mindset is beginning to take a turn. I'm starting to see that leaving is not as great of a solution as I thought it would be.

A lot of self-motivation and psychology-related reading material and talk shows tell us to favor the growth of our self-esteem over trying to be a nice person. They advocate happiness and not allowing ourselves to feel hurt or pain with the reason being that our destiny as an individual is too important. Often, we see this as an answer to all our relationship problems and thus, we choose to shun people out of our lives before even having the chance to evaluate the whys and hows of the conflict itself. We think we are too important as a person to deal with any conflict because our comfort as a person is more crucial to ourselves. It then becomes a lot about us, us and US. Now, I'm not saying that every fallout is always going to be on our account - there are some people that we're going to have to let go of in our lives, such as those who continue to speak negatively into our lives out of despise, jealousy or hatred. But if a recurring pattern of conflict begins to emerge in your life, would that not be a sign for us to begin looking at the bigger picture? Shouldn't we cease counting the faults of others and gaze at the people we've let ourselves become to others?

As I mentioned earlier, my immediate resolve as a person then would always be to remove any individual that induced provocation or what I viewed as discouragement from my life for the sake of my happiness. I often thought it was just easier to remove people from my life if I couldn't understand how their personality came to be and upon what foundations where they birthed from. It was easy enough to do with people who didn't share the same faith with me and it was much more common to contemplate it whenever it had to do with people who shared the same Christian faith as I do. My pride and my emotions were top priority.

But I've come to realize that the key isn't to prevent myself from getting hurt - it's to know who to allow to hurt you.

This year, I have answered a call from God to turn away from my old resolutions. I still struggle with my pride almost every day, but being conscious about my thoughts has helped me gain a new mindset in Christ. Anyway, the Bible scripture that stood out to me earlier was 2 Timothy 2:23-26.

"Again I say, don't get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants."

Upon reading this, I knew He was speaking to me. There have been many instances in which I feel that some of my brethren in Christ are still bound to the ways of the world and have fallen prey numerous times to lethargy and idleness, and I feel hard-heartedly that I must correct them. I always feel the constant need to tell some people off that what they are doing does not align with the Bible, especially after having a Scripture slammed in my face so as to convict me. And I know very well that sometimes I misuse Scripture just to get back at a person who criticizes me, in which they likewise employ to counter me and before I know it, minor arguments have escalated into a full-fledged verbal war in which attacks below the belt are prone. A terrible example of stewardship, I know. Sigh.

Nevertheless, it is said in 2 Timothy 3:16, "All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right," So no, discouragement is not the essence of these revelations - repentance is. I know I have this problem, and I must rely on Him to solve it. Sometimes people may say something to criticize me as a person and I know I won't like it. Chances are, I'd bite back and worse, with the Bible. But the Bible says not to get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments. Therefore, I must evaluate the validity of the criticisms given as well as the intention of the person offering the piece of criticism. If I simply dismiss someone without performing these evaluations, I might have missed out on an opportunity to make right what is wrong simply because I assume all criticism is for the worse. Now, I realize that it is not.

Also, if I know that a sibling in Christ is not obeying the Word of God and if worse, is going against it, I shouldn't be harsh on them but exercise patience. After all, we are to patiently correct, rebuke and encourage people with good teaching (2 Timothy 4:2). And I should never, ever, ever use the Word of God to criticize people out of spite. Whatever I do should be on account of love and concern, as He constantly reminds me to do. Man, these are some tough things to abide by if I had to figure it out on my own.

Again, writing has provided me with liberation. I've been on the brink of wanting to eliminate people from my life again simply because I don't see eye-to-eye with them and I have distaste for them within me, but I'm really gonna need God's strength to help me pull through. But I believe that as long as He sustains me and I rely completely on His strength, I will be the most patient person on the face of this earth. EVER. Like, I mean it.

And hopefully, these efforts will be mutual on the other party's part. I don't expect that it be, because then my obedience would be painted with selfish ambition, but yeah, I really hope things are bound to change as I slowly begin to change as a person.

So there you go, another testimony on the undertakings in reducing the level of pride within me. Thanks again for reading, all you non-existent readers out there :)

Overcoming pride

I honestly doubt that anyone (at least that I know of) still reads this blog, but in case there are still some of you who do swing by once in a blue moon and have noticed my previous post, well yes, I am still working on that testimony. Compiling my experiences and deriving bible scriptures are a little time consuming though, which explains why the post isn't up yet. Nevertheless, I am determined and relying on God's strength to help me finish what I have started because humanly I know I cannot do it, just as I have failed in the past few years in this endeavor, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).

Meanwhile, I suppose I will share some of the thoughts I've had in this past week. Some of my thoughts I have come to realize some are not words spoken into me by the Heavenly Father, but negative things I have begun to pick up from the voice of the world. I guess not having to actively rebuke these voices that speak negatively in my head in this past week due to the taxing funeral rites back in my dad's hometown has taken a slight, if not sizeable toll on me. In spite of that, God has proven faithful and the Word has been an invaluable tool in asserting myself in Christ.

Just last week I was so on fire for God, speaking into people's lives and having Him use me to empower and convict other people. I felt such great joy and encouragement having to do His work and having received so much revelation from the Planetshakers Conference that I felt almost invincible. I could sense His presence and love almost all the time, and it was just amazing. And crazy. I'd begun to hear Him so well that I just knew in my heart that there was no turning back. I had dedicated my entire life to Jesus and I would love Him, walk with Him and serve Him in spite of all forms of persecution and under any circumstances. I didn't think I could ever live any other way than to constantly feel the love of the Heavenly Father and rest in Him, abandoning the rest of the world for a godly pursuit.

But that isn't all there is to walking with Jesus. That isn't the whole point of Christianity. Yes, God tells us to abide in Him, to rest in Him and to seek to be in His love at all times (Matthew 11:28), but we cannot forget that we still live on this earth for His purpose. He has called us to be the salt and light, and in my opinion, it is probably the hardest thing any Christian would have to do in their lives - abandon all sense of individual purpose and seek to fulfill the collective purpose God has called us for - to make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit (Matthew 28:19). If you've read this blog long enough or perhaps know me in person for a considerable amount of time, you'd probably have picked up that I value obscurity. I don't care for people who have similar interests and talents with me because I find them competition and my sole purpose in life then was to ensure that my individuality was kept esteemed above everything else. Fortunately, God convicted me of my pride and constant pangs of jealousy over others, and now I really don't care much for individuality or obscurity. Occasionally I do have second thoughts about doing certain things or buying certain products because someone else has already pioneered these things, but where the kingdom of God and people are concerned - I'm letting it slide.

Nevertheless, I'm not here to gloat about how perfect life has turned out to be with Christ. I still struggle, and I know I have not achieved perfection which Jesus undeniably embodied. Daily, I am sometimes threatened by the world that I momentarily forget what God has done in my life and the purpose I am striving to fulfill as a Christian, and I fall. I get angry and I feel hurt. I shed tears when the pain becomes overbearing, and all this simply because I chose to listen to the voice of the world and not the voice of God. In fact, this past week I've found myself being hurt by parents and peers in the CF I'm involved in, as a result of that. I've shared my testimony about how God taught me to honor my parents to so many people and I've seen people being spoken to by God due to that, and yet I still feel hurt. Sometimes I feel that in spite of my efforts, my cry out to God with a desire to honor my parents and to honor my peers in CF by not taking personally their insults as well as their constant pointing out of my faults, I feel tired.

I feel exhausted trying to love them, to forgive them and even to focus on their positive points simply because the honor isn't mutual. I respect that they have differences (God knows if I've done otherwise and He will convict me and tell me if I'm wrong) in opinion relative to mine, but they don't seem to respect my opinions. All I've ever gotten from my peers at CF (some, not all) is constant dismissal of my thoughts and enthusiasm, a lack of empathy over some of the issues I go through and the usual "Oh she's just being a girl" stigma. As per my parents, it's always been about how I should control my temper and not let it overwhelm me, or how I shouldn't feel bothered or hurt by something if I've been completely healed by God. While it's true that if my emotional wounds were healed I wouldn't take offense over the things others say against me or against God's will for my life, I would really appreciate an apology. I find that the worst blows don't come from those who do not know God and have something to say about my faith, but from those who are walking with me and collectively striving to do our best for Christ.

Also, I cannot ask for those who do not abide by the same Christian values to say they're sorry because they do not understand. However, I'm often hurt when those who do know the value of an apology choose not to offer it anyway because of their pride. I know I shouldn't take offense and someday when I'm completely healed I won't, but as a person I feel the least anyone can do is to say they are sorry, no matter who's fault it is. I know I've done it before and I'm not saying I don't sometimes forget to say I'm sorry, but recently God has really been convicting me to apologize to people I've unconsciously uttered mean comments to, regardless of their level of sensitivity. If I need to be the salt and light of the earth, the least I can do is to ensure that the words I speak into the lives of others are building and if they have not been, I must rebuke it and own up for whatever I have said. It has been one of the most awkward and difficult endeavors I have attempted in my life, but knowing that God's plan and purpose for us is not to bring us destruction, but to prosper us and give us a hope and a future, it is the right thing to do that I must do it at all costs.

In a way, I guess that's my weakness. I'm still easily hurt by Christians, and I often put such high standards on them because I feel that as a person of God, the Heavenly Father would easily convict a person to do the things that please Him, such as honor. That's my ideal perspective. But we all know the world is not an ideal place, and every Christian is still learning to walk with God, which theoretically means some people have not reached that level of understanding or knowledge just yet. I should be more forgiving and understanding I suppose, instead of taking offense over every little thing those closest to me have said negatively. I'd still appreciate that apology though, and I feel people should stop assuming that a Christian who lacks patience now will always be a Christian who lacks patience. That isn't true, and we should stop labelling people for a certain vice, because God's duty is not to allow us to remain who we are, but to break us and mold us into better people. A painful process really, as I speak from current and past experience, but definitely worthwhile. The best we can do is to give them the benefit of the doubt, instead of predicting what their next course of action will be.

To sum it all up, the lesson learnt today is that not taking offense is part and parcel of overcoming pride. As human beings, pride is pretty much inevitable. It has always been about attaining what is in our best interests at the expense of someone else's joy. Sure, there are solutions that permit a reciprocity of benefits, but as humans we are always tempted to be dominant and to get what we want. The world is seen as a dog eat dog world, and an eye for an eye remains a key point in our relationships with others.

But what we must realize, or at least what I have realized from reading the Word is that these things that we see which build us, are the very things that destroy us. For the Bible says in Proverbs 16:18;

Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

And in James 4:6, which I find even more profound;

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

I'm glad I decided to write this post. Bottling up these feelings of pain and anxiety have been taxing, and I find being stuffed up in contempt just prevents us from hearing clearly the voice of God. I'm definitely hearing Him a lot clearer now as you may have picked up from some points in this post as I'm writing partly on my understanding of it all and what He has to say to what I think. I don't know if this counts as a testimony, and I surely don't know if this will connect or appeal with anyone, but I know that I'm not here to please anyone, but God. And if writing this is going to unleash worldly judgment upon me, so be it. I've done my part and I'm trusting God to take me to the next level.

If you made it to the end of this post, thank you. Thank you for staying with me. God bless you and have a splendid time ahead! Until next time :)

Not sorry for Planetshaking

In those three days, I praised Him like I'd never praise before.

I worshipped Him with all my might, with all my soul and with all my breath.

I cried so much in one night that I had no more tears to shed the nights after that.

I absorbed so much of the Word like a sponge and yet I still long for more.

I spoke and sang in tongues longer than I'd ever done before.

I paid attention to His voice and obeyed His commands in spite of the reluctance of my flesh.

I have rebuked and rejected the Devil's propositions so many times that I now only ever remember God was and is and will always be, VICTORIOUS.

I have been so patient with my family members these days that it's beginning to freak me out  (in a good way) just how God's strength is so immense.

I am so convicted that my only substantial fear is that I do not accomplish my life's purpose of going out to preach the Word and make disciples of all the nations before my time is come.

I have received so much love that I cannot allow myself to fall back into the hate I was once immersed in, but allow instead my love to overflow on others.

There has been so much I've been through in the days since the retreat and in those three days at Planetshakers that giving an account of it all within a couple of hours (that's how much time I take to write a post) would be absolutely IMPOSSIBLE. I could pull an all nighter and challenge myself to write everything down, but I'm honestly too busy trying to read the Word and live the Word that I may not have all the time in the world to record my journey. Nevertheless, I am trying my very hardest to keep an account of what God has done with my life and what He has shown me.

Instead of describing all my experiences in one lengthy post, the next couple of posts will be a series of short testimonies that I hope will adequately explain how amazing God has been in spite of the circumstances. I've got some of my points down, but I haven't really gotten around to edit the drafts into several cohesive units of writing. But I can assure you that these things will surface on this blog soon enough :)

Until then, you'll just have to stay put. Also, it doesn't matter whether you're Christian or not whenever you come across this blog and find another post dedicated to my faith. These words were meant to bless, to testify and to glorify God. You may be able to get some insight from some of the biblical principles stated here.

God bless all of you, and thank you - yes, YOU once again, for reading.