Fam bang

Lately, it seems to me that the tables have been turned in the family. I'm being put in my parents' shoes, and I'm beginning to see their cares and concerns.

Yet, there are some things I still don't see. For one, I'm not sure if the family dynamics have changed at home, or they've always been the same, but that I've just forgotten. The ridiculous sounding arguments, the lack of communication and just people pushing each other's buttons due involuntarily because we all aren't working as a team, it's all happening yet again.

I'm tempted to just forget about it and do whatever I like. Just go out any time I like, find friends whenever I can and stay out all night without a care in the world about what goes on at home.

But I won't. It's not that my parents force me to, but I just won't.

Because I don't want to. I don't want to give up on us being a family. I don't want to get pissed off about the problems we face at home and accept defeat. I don't wanna let the little things get in between the greater joy of being a cohesive unit.

His grace isn't just enough to hold me up, it's sufficient to hold all of us up. This family.

I trust Him.

Home

I'm going home for the summer, and I'm not sure why.

Three months ago, when I booked those tickets home, I had so many things on my mind.  I would switch my probationary driving license for a competent driving license. I would go to Cambodia for a few weeks, then spend the rest of summer in an internship program. I would start video project with one of my church friends back home to share the stories of fellow Malaysians who have been in the United States. I would travel to Ipoh and Penang, hopefully with good company. I would find a reason to go hiking, and hopefully find people who would embark on these adventures (real ones, not merely food ones) with me. I would also make it a point to visit churches in the vicinity of KL, and hopefully hear from the Lord about the decision to be a part of a different church.

But right now, I feel so empty. I know for a fact that this happens when I'm in a period of transition. I just finished my first semester and all the friends I made in the past few months are graduating. I've also gotten so accustomed to life in West Texas that I find it all so strange just returning back to Malaysia. I feel like I've grown and learned so much here, that I'm afraid when I go home, I'll lose the progress I've made.

Yet, I guess I really shouldn't be afraid. Come to think of it, what do I really cherish and put my hope in? My own ability? My knowledge of my horrendous ability to deal with minors? The convenience of life in the U.S.? The bible classes I've taken? The benevolence of my peers?

No. It's Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.

It seems like there's just so much I'm taking on, and I'm afraid I won't make it. On the other hand, I feel like I might make all these things a priority that I would forget the one I choose to glorify in my doing.

As these things are revealed to me, I'm scared. The closer I draw to God, the further I realize, I am from Him. As I take on this journey of faith, I have come to realize there is no end point. There is no utter perfection. We are given grace and the power of the Holy Spirit to discern and stay away from sin, but we are not completely void of it. We are still in our earthly bodies.

And in that, I've realized that I need God. I can never do it on my own. To rely on myself and do it on my own would be to diminish the power of the cross, which is eminent through our weakness. Yet, in all occasions, prior, present and future, God is always glorified. His glory is never magnified, because it is in itself, magnificent. But it is revealed as such in his righteousness, in his judgment and in his showing of grace to us.

So I'm confused. I'm tearful. I'm on a 20 hour flight tomorrow (including the layover) and I'm not sure what to expect. I might get off the plane, I might not. And if do I step out of the plane, I only know there will be humidity and the presence of my family members, but I do not know what else lies ahead of me. I know there are plans I have made, but I do not know if they will ever come to fruition.

Yet I am assured that God has it all in His hands, for His great purpose.

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.

Streetlights

The set of photos above were taken during the execution of my Sociology service learning project which comprised of volunteering for a soup kitchen initiative. That night, we were required to head downtown to the streets of KL and participate in distributing food to the homeless and less fortunate, who diligently came to collect their dues while simultaneously upholding a sense of awareness of the premises we were in and observing the behaviors of the individuals in such an atmosphere, all in relation to the sociological imagination and other related concepts.

My supposed skills in photography were requested by a classmate who corresponded with my Sociology lecturer, and thus, I was given the opportunity to capture these emphatically provoking images for recording purposes. I was initially a little hesitant, given that low-light photography was my Achilles' heel, but the endeavor soon proved to be less of a nuisance. I had the decency to use a portrait lens that would suffice in low-light conditions, and I was not merely restricted to recording the events that were taking place. Given that there were five pit stops, I devoted myself completely to serving at some stops and to photography at others.

I have to say, I don't think I've had that much fun partaking in community service than I did that night. It truly was overwhelming, the sense of satisfaction within me knowing that I was able to give without pretenses and watch as the world lit up in the lives of the recipient of our labor of love. It's crazy how these little things bring light not just in the lives of others, but in our own just as well.

By looking at these immortalized factions of my memory, I earnestly hope that you too, will somewhat envision the atmosphere and subject I intended to capture, and have the desire to discover for yourself not only what it is to be under the streetlight that lights up a premise, but to be the streetlight and shine right into the souls of the needy.

Blackout

Honestly, I can't say I wasn't expecting it. As much as I'd like to think that change can occur overnight, it simply can't.

However, I'm not here to talk about what happened last night because I'm sure most of you have already had your fair share of politics. Instead, I'm here to remind myself (yes, me and not you) as to why I shouldn't be disheartened by last night's outcome and work towards a goal worth achieving individually and for the sake of the nation.

Yes, it was disappointing to see the majority of Sarawak fall into the clutches of the current government. I'd always thought they'd never fall back to the government, given that they're after all, still a Christian nation and there were several prophecies that some of the Christian politicians in East Malaysia would adhere to their rightful place as a Malaysian leader, on behalf of the opposition. I'd took the entire ordeal wholeheartedly, believing that this year would be different in the sense that there would be a complete change of government, for the betterment of the people. So I guess you could imagine my disappointment when I witnessed the government overtaking the opposition in terms of parliamentary seats. Well, even if you couldn't imagine it, you could totally see it through my Facebook status updates and shares, as well as my umpteen political retweets.

But no, I refuse to see this defeat as defeat any longer. If anything, the opposition made immense progress, bagging even more parliamentary seats than they did in the previous GE and they did it with integrity and utter honesty. Sure, there's bound to be a few cases of dissatisfaction and provocation pioneered by those supporting the opposition, but overall they won their seats fair and square. They did not engage themselves in unclean tactics such as vote recounts or respond with racist comments - everything they did was out of passion and genuine love for the rakyat and for Malaysia.

As for my distaste of the majority of Sarawak's political decision, I've come to realize that not everyone there is well aware of the political situation in Malaysia. After I'd had enough of the entire political ordeal last night, I went to bed and vented out in tears to God, questioning why things occurred as they did. And that was when it struck me that the majority seats won by government belonged to rural areas. While we've certainly come a long way economically in Malaysia, it isn't to say that we've completely wiped out poverty and social ignorance in the nation. The fact remains that our eastern counterpart aren't granted the privileges we possess in urban areas. Therefore, if anything, the fault is on our behalf, for we have failed to see the political situation in Sarawak and provide enlightenment to an ignorant community who has yet to understand the ulterior motives of our current government. This is truly a call for us, be it a spiritual or mental conviction to reach out to these Malaysians and uphold them rightfully as owners of this land.

That isn't to say that the government played a fair game though. I still cannot comprehend how any political organization can retain a clear conscience after advocating corruption and cronyism for more than half a century. And while that's prevalent, their overtly redundant forms of campaigning is a major insult to theories of reverse psychology and their out-in-the-open blackout tactics appalls me to the very fiber of my being.

But vengeance is not my call. For it is written in Romans 12:19, "Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord." The evil will get their dues in time as God sees fit. Also, everything happens for a reason. While all this pandemonium might appear to work in the favor of the principalities of darkness, good will inevitably prevail in the end for God is in control of everything and has an ultimate and perfect plan and purpose for this nation.

Four or five years from now, I will have the ability to determine the course of Malaysia with my one vote and I solemnly vow to use it wisely. As much as the prospect of migrating to a first world nation entices me, my heart still calls me to remain in Malaysia. And as peculiar as it sounds to me, I want my children, grand children and great grand children to live in Malaysia, a democratic and first world nation with a quality education, a fair and just governance as well as economic sustainability. I don't want them to live through the social and economic hardships my generation and the generations before had to endure; I want them to experience true freedom and live a fruitful, godly life. And this is precisely what I will fight for - the betterment of the future generation.

Mungkin kali ini kami tidak berjaya dalam pilihan raya umum yang ke-13. Namun, hasrat kami semua sebagai rakyat Malaysia untuk mencetus perubahan dari segi politik, sosial serta ekonomi dalam negara ini akan terus diuaruarkan sehingga aspirasi rakyat direalisasikan. Sehingga hari itu tiba, maklumlah, kami akan terus berjuang demi memartabatkan negara dan membela keadilan serta kesejahteraan rakyat bersama! Ingatlah seruan kami, kami tidak akan berhenti atau memungkiri janji kami kepada tanah air yang tercinta ini. Bangkitlah semua! UBAH, walau bagi kali yang seterusnya!

My level of eloquence in BM has deteriorated since I left high school, but that won't stop me from expressing how I feel in the nation's first language (although sarcasm is my first language and English my second, really).

So there, my first ever patriotic post. Not sure how this will fare with my potential employers in my writing career, but screw it.

I'm Malaysian and I'm proud to be (in spite of all the havoc our prime minister has clearly perpetrated). Cheers!