Saturday, June 2, 2012

I'm still here

Things seem to be going downhill a lot recently.

My kit lens auto-focus function doesn't work.

My mum's work has been taking a toll on her and she doesn't have much time to spend with me.

My friends don't seem to feel as if they are there anymore.

My level of faith is fluctuating dangerously and the gradients seem to be determining the frequency of my communication and relationship with God.

My motivation to study has declined since the school break began and my trials are due in a month's time.

My infatuation with him has returned and this time, I'm pretty determined to take my chances, however little they may be.

All these things in my life seem to be taking a toll on me although my mid term break has lightened some of my loads. With so much time on my hands, I've been thinking or perhaps even over thinking events more frequently that I spend more time worrying instead of solving my problems.

This is the result of an inconsistent relationship with God. There are times when I'm really grateful for His grace and I am just filled with the joy of God, while on other occasions I tend to ignore my need to commune with the Holy Spirit and just ask him what to do with whatever I'm going through. I'm still fighting battles with the Devil, but I'm still trying to take it all in - this entire routine, this rigmarole of being an SPM student.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. I just feel like going on a permanent hiatus, which is of course, no hiatus at all. But there's something that keeps me going. An invisible force that I'm striving towards, which I'm pretty sure is of holy descent. However, I'm not too sure where I'm headed and what God really wants me to do.

1AM. I haven't stayed up this late since... I don't even remember. Nevertheless, it's time for me to sleep.


No comments:

Post a Comment