Coconut tree

I honestly don't know what I'm doing these days. On the outside, I seem to be taking on each day as usual, living each moment to the extent it is deemed adequately lived. Inside, however, I am all but okay.

I don't remember how it happened. I don't recall what it was that made me slip out of that momentum of obedience and passion for Christ. My spiritual life has been dry and sure, I see God working in many different ways, but something seems to be missing. I wonder if I'm trying hard enough to seek Him, or if there's a hindrance that disallows me from finding my dad in Heaven. And a lot of times, I wonder if it's because I haven't exactly made a substantial amount of progress with my dad at home.

Yeah sure, we went out two nights ago to watch the World Cup finals at Mayang, but not much was said or done. I had him accompany me, but I wasn't sure if that was a legit dad-daughter hang out sesh. And I'm still wondering. But just when I think perhaps things could take a turn for the better, I've done something to disappoint him, yet again.

I rammed my Swift into a coconut tree.

Yes, as funny and absolutely ridiculous as it sounds, I caused that dent on the back of my car by hitting a coconut tree. I was reversing my car while attempting a three point turn at a housing area, but as I kept my focus forward, my back (and only) sensors somewhat fell asleep and didn't tell me that my car was about to hit something. But it did, and when I drove to the side of the street to examine my car, I saw the dent.

Well crap.

Anyway, I couldn't do much to salvage the damage done (pushing the dent outwards failed) so I guess I had to carry on with whatever I had planned for the day and worry about it later.

And so I drove to Klang with JY by my side. Fortunately, we managed to find the place after a safe journey there, so that was one good thing that happened today.

I'm sure anyone who's reading this right now is probably thinking, "One good thing? Your Instagram pictures show otherwise."

Well, you gotta make the most out of everything and I think yeah, I had a great time today. I got my bak kut teh fix, and I got to visit Setia City Mall and go into jakun mode at that beautiful lawn. That was good.

It could have been better though, if I wasn't having period cramps. But the thing about life is that it throws you lemons sometimes, and you just gotta learn to make lemonade and stop whining about how sour everything tastes.

Okay, so I guess that makes it three good things that happened today. Oh wait, four, considering that I finished one more bit of my research paper. I have four more bits to go, but I think I'll manage it, given that I have an entire day to finish it tomorrow (if I don't procrastinate).

So I guess the bottom line is that today was a relatively good day. And even if things did go wrong, it still was a day gone by and a day accounted for in my life; and I will not disregard it.

After all, even Job, the man who undertook a whole lot of crap from Satan when the Lord allowed for him to be tested said in Job 2:10, "Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?"

What difference should it make? Is life meant to be a sugar coated endeavor in which we are immune to all inconvenience? Does receiving the bad undermine the ability of God to be in control and exert His holiness?

NO. Our God is just. God will always be God, even in spite of our fickle and fallen nature.

I guess I've found my answer then. I need to continue to pursue Him, until I find out what this is all about.

God is always God, His love never fails and though I don't always see Him, He remains omnipresent and REAL in my life.