I've been putting this off for a really long time, but I do think it is finally the right time to come to terms with what's going on in my life right now.
The matter of the fact, dear readers, is that I AM IN LOVE.
There, I've said it. Such a peculiar phrase for one who is judgmental about most relationships and terribly rough around the edges when it comes to romantic inclinations and affectionate dealings, to utter. And yet, it feels as if the old has closed in and a new adventure has begun. Your thoughts processes begin to revert from trying to list down every TNAF song known to mankind only to instead revolve around thoughts of him. You begin to unhealthily crave for his presence at any given moment you can that not even the slightest motion in your surroundings can tear your attention away from him. You just somewhat don't care anymore because nothing in the past or the future is as important as that exact moment, right now when it is all still tangible and is seemingly unlikely to fall into ruin any time soon.
But is that really all that matters? The present? What about, the future? What's next? We all know what's coming next. We have the time of our lives and gather the courage to take the leap, but only until we see the consequence of partaking in what most would call, folly. Well, perhaps it isn't folly. Perhaps such actions can be justified by the terms "Carpe diem" which is Latin for 'Seize the day'. It's all a matter of what paradigm you're partaking this entire situation in, really. But the question remains - is it worth trying, given the probabilities of one's failure in this unstable realm of emotional undertakings and commitment? Despite having keyed in these concepts of liability and foreseen circumstances, this matter still remains an enigmatic quandary.
However, I do think that if you factor in the unalienable variable of time, none of these queries don't seem to matter anymore. Under such circumstances, any moment spent birthing new perplexities is a moment wasted away into oblivion. I simply can't afford to retain my attitude of constant questioning regarding the phenomena existent in life or to sustain my innate spirit of ambivalence. At the risk of sounding cliche, time is of the essence and indecision pretty much massacres it. So no, I refuse to pay tribute to the valid arguments which permeate my cerebral cortex every now and then. I simply desist.
That isn't to say that I'm giving up spiritually. I'm still me after all, in spite of how the odds have somewhat shifted in my favor. After all, God comes first before everything else and my sustenance utterly relies on the strength my Father in heaven provides for me - not the satisfaction of carnal nature nor the material objects of this world. My Father loves me and I love Him, that is all that counts in the matter of life and later, of death.
Muffin, I'm pretty sure you're jumping from joy now that I've posted something that relates to us. I won't say you'll be extremely pleased since the contents of this post may in fact render you in an enigmatic quandary just as it did to me, but the fact that I am acknowledging there is an 'us' in the picture and not just 'me' will probably ensconce you in joys of indescribable proportions. Now that I've updated my blog, it is time for you to do the same on yours.
I miss you so much, and the fact that we see each other every day will not nullify that.
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