Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's full potential.
— Bruce Lee
I didn't expect to be back on my feet so soon, but it seems I have found something I'd like to share on my blog. I don't think I've been very generous lately in sharing information about my personal life because it has been a little awkward as of late but I think I've finally found some courage to do so. I must warn you however, that my eloquence may no longer suffice is putting such complex emotions into words as my literary prowess has been on a steep decline recently. Don't expect to see any extremely intellectual statements for I just might disappoint.
With relevance to the quote I have posted above, I think university life has somewhat changed me. I'm still uncertain whether it is for the better or worse, but that is a rhetorical argument only time is able to refute. But when I say change, I don't mean a shift from one phase to another. The change I am discussing here in this post is not a minute one, it is a shift of my paradigm from a shallow and superficial perception into a critical and possibly spiritual one. As a matter of fact, this sudden shift from various extremes has rendered me emotionally paralyzed, almost as if I was going through some quarter life crisis although it isn't a valid argument to begin with. Anyway, the point is, I am just so sick and tired of going through the same thought processes over and over again and being bombarded with a million "What if"s while trying to balance my work load and my social life. I am SICK and TIRED. These words work so perfectly well together in one sentence, don't they?
But honestly, I'm not here to complain. Instead, I'm here to be grateful for all these sudden realignments and reassignments taking place in my life. I've been so lackadaisical since university began that I've never really taken an initiative to activate my spiritual life and discover what God has in store for me until last week, when I discovered I had to share for cell on Friday. It was a pretty nerve wrecking experience having to come up with a uh, sermon (I guess?) and delivering it to a small crowd of eagerly anticipating youths, but I'm glad I did it. I finally managed to kick start my spiritual life once more after a much unnecessary hiatus. God has blessed me with so much and I'm starting to hear His voice more eminently than I have before. It isn't an audible voice, but it's a voice that transcends from my conscience every once in a while to remind me not to give in to carnal nature but to focus my eyes on God.
Anyhow, the point is that I've grown. I've definitely grown, I admit. I'm not the same girl I once was two or three years ago. I've learned never to let my emotions dominate me, for my emotions must always remain faithful servants to my conscience and not vice versa. I've learned never to let anxiety be the driving force behind my endeavours, for I may end up regretting doing the things I would have done had I allowed fear to overwhelm me. I've learned that holding back does not necessarily imply that I am stubborn, but that it shows great discipline and wisdom. Also, I've discovered time is a useful tool in revealing the truth about a person and it pays to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
I have to credit God for all of this. It was a tough week, trying to decipher one's language through their speech and action and learning to cope with academic essays and citation work. But I'm glad I've pulled through with God's strength because I can earnestly say that I'm a stronger person now and I am ready to take on whatever it is life is ready to throw at me, as long as God is on my side. Or I might have stated that too early.
Nevertheless, life has been pretty great. I'm just going to take it slow, one day at a time and I'm sure God will bring upon much deeper revelation about my life eventually.
Ciao.
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