Sunday, December 2, 2012

Beauty, power?

I've never been that girl.

That girl guys would swarm over just to get a single "Hello". That girl who's petite in stature and has noticeable female assets valued by men and even women from all walks of life. That girl who laughs so loud, but still manages to retain grace. That girl who gets into a relationship every 3 months just because one of her suitors has proven himself worthy and she's ready to risk her all regardless what the outcome may be. That girl who eats and eats and eats (and eats), and yet never grows horizontally. That girl who speaks with utter confidence despite possessing a terrible command of English, and yet she is envied and loved by all.

I need not go on and on, not only because there are simply too many things to state in one post but because I am simply not that girl. To summarize, I am simply not the girl any member of the opposite sex would call beautiful.

So if that really is a recurring notion, why are there so many thoughts in my head attempting to justify just why that is?

It's because a friend of mine actually called me "pretty". Well, he didn't actually mention that literally and verbally, but he mentioned me on Twitter with the hashtag 'MentionSomeonePretty'.

Thing is, I've never had one of those mentions. I mean, it wasn't that big of a deal, really when I initially thought about it. But as I stared at the Twitter mention I received from my phone, it just dawned upon me that I've never, in my entire life, been labelled (or hashtagged) beautiful by the opposite sex. I mean sure, people would say reassuring things like "Oh you like fine, don't worry," or "You're pretty too" when I continuously lament on my sister's infinite beauty (because she is just that pretty and I love her) but I've never had a moment where a guy would just tell me, "You're pretty" or "You're beautiful" in an honest context, no pretenses involved.

But this friend of mine actually did. And then I realised how fortunate I am not only to have him as a friend, but to receive such a compliment, nullifying the fact that all guys are of the same stereotype. If so, this guy is alien - he is NOT part of this shallow and feeble cult of man.

Even my own father has never offered me such a direct compliment. He'd only mention it when I compared myself to my sister, but never alone. I'm honestly not trying to complain and curse the world for being so nonchalant and insolent, but the fact of the matter is, I've grown so accustomed to the standards of beauty in this world and becoming judged relatively through comparison with other girls that it no longer made sense if anyone saw me in such a perspective or if I even thought I was beautiful. That being said, my level of confidence isn't at an all time low, but it isn't sky high either. I was more of a neutral kind of person, not extremely inclined towards any portion of the debate.

I've always thought of myself to be of average when it came down to physical appearance, which is why I emphasize so highly on my intellect and my talent. Since I couldn't achieve the standards of beauty as perceived by man in general, all I could do was compensate for with my intellect and ability. I don't deny it, I can be quite good at what I do as long as I'm focused on what I do, and sometimes even when I'm not. I've always been one of the 'smart' ones since childhood as well as 'talented' when it came to visual arts and creative writing. That was how it was and how it has always been for me.

I'm really not trying to impose anything on the opposite sex through this post. I'm just expressing something that has been hidden within me for such a long time that I wasn't even sure if it still remained if I searched deep into my own heart. But it still remains. I'm not hurt or affected whatsoever, perhaps just a tad bit wistful. I used to think beauty correlated with power and that power makes the world for round, but I now know that physical beauty doesn't last forever. It is merely skin deep, so I choose not to ponder upon such a superficial notion. Beauty and power has been and always will be a temporary and short-lived matter. Furthermore, beauty is not of the essence to the intelligent. I've come to learn that the matter of beauty is subject to the underlying perception of self and it is pioneered by the reality we ourselves create, irregardless of the expectations this world imposes on us.

But to receive such a compliment from one of the best people I've encountered in the course of my life, is truly a gift on it's own. So thank you, mate :)

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