Disposition

I wasn't expecting myself to be penning down my thoughts today, especially not when I have so much work that has to be done before I can usher in the weekend. However, as today's event marks a historical moment in my life, I simply could not resist the notion of recording it down on my blog.

For the first time in my eighteen years of existence, I, Vivian Renee Teoh Wei Qi, did not get straight As for a major public examination. In succinct terms, I did not attain a streak of As for my SPM.

I have to say though, in spite of the restlessness I encountered the night before and fatigue that ensued on campus as I anticipated the moment of truth, I am quite happy and satisfied with the outcome. Having taken 10 subjects for SPM, I received 9As (comprising of 6A+s, 2As and 1A-) and 1B. Frankly, I silently knew that I wasn't going to obtain a string of As before I even discovered my results on my course mate's iPhone after she successfully coaxed me into doing it, having attained straight As herself. I just somewhat knew inside that things were not going to be completely in my favor this time.

It was a little devastating initially when I discovered I did not receive an A for Literature in English. I tried recalling what it was exactly that I wrote on the sheets in that answer booklet, attempting atrociously to seek the source of my fallacy only to find nothing. I felt as if I had tried in vain to prove myself worthy of being ranked a top scorer and now I had nothing to show for since I did not receive the streak of As I had hoped for.

Fortunately for me though, I am constantly reminded that As are not the be-all and end-all of one's quest to self-actualization and success in life. It takes more than just grades to uplift an individual to the top and even if one does arrive at the summit, it takes even more effort to sustain one's acquisition in order to remain supreme in a particular field where one is considered excellent. Intellect is more of a luxury really, it is humility that runs as a necessity for all of mankind, for God looks at the heart and chooses to uphold those who humble themselves before Him.

I won't say I've successfully been able to achieve that, but I'm trusting God each and every day, constantly in reliance to Him by faith. It is He who created me after all. Without Him, I AM NOTHING. And yet with God, I can do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm going to stick with my Saviour because if He is for me, no one can be against me. I don't have to put up a fight just to continue living fruitfully in this world - I simply just have to trust Him.

So there you have it, my musings for the day. I hope you enjoyed reading this. Or not. Whatever I'm tired and I'm about to black out soon if I don't hit the sack.

Night.