Left for America

Praise the Lord. I'm officially in the U.S. of A!

There's so much uncertainty as to what's waiting for me in the next two years, but surprisingly I'm not too taken aback right now. Things were a little rough last month, as I contemplated the aftermath of my departure and the things I had to let go of, but I think it's safe to say that I don't feel too bad now. I'd expected sentimental me to burst out in tears the night I took off, but I didn't.

It's pretty strange, but I think something really felt right. I don't know for sure what it is, but I think it's gotta be God. I don't think I've ever been this NOT anxious before. I know for sure that He has gone before me, and is looking after me even as I'm here now.

Yet, I can't say that nothing's been on my mind. I'm still pretty wistful about things at this side of the world. As I witness Snapchats sent by my friends at church, I feel like everything has moved on pretty well even without me. It's strange really, I'm starting to feel as if my existence in youth has been rather, unreal. Not surreal, UNREAL. As if I was never there. I was just an annoying speck of dust, and once I was gone, things have taken off pretty well.

I know, it's a really selfish thing to say. But I guess that's what one feels when they leave, I suppose. Like they're just afraid things will conveniently slide back into normalcy (yet again, what is normal, per se?)

Well, Vivian, the world doesn't revolve around you. More of Christ, less of you, remember?

I guess it's also partly to do with love language differences. Just because the send off I expected didn't happen, it doesn't mean I am any less loved. And even if I was less loved, what does it matter? I need to constantly remind myself that these little things that people do that I give meaning to, are of no significance, compared to the marvellous extent of God's great glory. And anyway, if I place such emphasis on earthly things instead of kingdom driven things, how will the Holy Spirit work in me?

To be fair, I don't deserve it in the first place. Any of it. Not in a "yeah-I-don't-deserve-it-now-pay-attention-to-me-because-I-want-your-affection-dammit" kinda way; I truly am honest. I don't deserve it. What kind of friend have I been to people at church? How much have I cared and how much have I loved? Somehow, I feel for the most part that I've only cared about getting the truth, and sometimes my version of the truth that it has taken away the element of love. I honestly think I don't deserve having people send me off, or having people do all those things I'd cared about, because I have to admit that I haven't really gotten to know and love them. And I don't expect one year to mean lifelong relationships either, how could I reap when I didn't sow?

I could have done better than I have.

Even so, now's not the time to look back and wallow in dejection and self-pity. Life must go on, and so it will. I refuse to let this year's failures turn the tide of how I will live next year. If anything, I must learn from my mistakes and carry on. Self-condemnation cannot be the key to transformation - Jesus didn't condemn anyone, and so I shouldn't do that to myself. Instead, I must look to Him to go on with life.

But anyway, enough about the past. I figured I'd fill you guys in with some of my initial thoughts about the U.S (YAY).

I've been in New York for about a day and a half now, and I'm really liking it here. The weather wasn't as dreadful as I'd expected it to be - it hasn't snowed and when my family and I arrived, it was only about 7 degrees Celcius, which I think is a decent temperature for winter. We headed for our Queens first thing upon arrival at New York and took a decent nap before braving the cold for dinner with our relatives. We had Korean food for lunch, which I have to say, was pretty darn kickass, and the company wasn't bad either. My relatives are rather outrageous, but they are an amazingly hospitable bunch.

We set out for Elmhurst today, where my relatives live, first thing in the morning today. My grandaunt taught us how to navigate the subway and led us there. She also helped us get a U.S. SIM card and we went over to her apartment to chill for a bit. The rest of my day was pretty much just touring Manhattan and Queens.

My granduncle drove us all to Chinatown for a Cantonese lunch and then we scoured the area for some iconic tourist attractions on the island. We went to Wall Street and checked out the infamous bull (which we didn't quite see due to the influx of tourists) and South Street Seaport which had pretty kickass ships and a landing overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge. We also took a ferry down to Staten Island NOT to check out the island, but to take absolutely low quality and kiamsiap pictures of the Statue of Liberty with our cameras against the dirty glass windows separating us from the crazy chill outside. At night, we headed down to Flushing and had dinner at some dimsum place there that was well known for their xiao long bao.

All in all, New York's been pretty cool. While there are things I'd have to get used to, like the units of measurement (what the heck is 32 Fahrenheit oh yeah 0 degrees Celcius whoop), how to use coins here (seriously what on earth is one dime) or even the large portions here, I really enjoyed strolling by the streets and going to places I'd previously only seen on TV. The subway system here is really convenient, and as long as you plan your journey, you're bound to get from one place to another without hassle. It's probably gonna be different when I head down South, but for now I'm really just contented taking in the sights and the sounds of the Big Apple :)

Penang road trippin' - Day 1

Breakfast at Ipoh before we departed

At the top of Kek Lok Si Temple

The view from the top of Penang Hill

Some colorful binoculars I refused to pay for usage

Love locks @ Penang Hill

Cute owl plushies at The Owl Museum

Signature dessert ABC, or ais batu campur. Essentially it's a shaved ice dessert with kidney beans, flavored syrup and other relevant condiments.

Oyster omelette (also known as 'Oh Chien') @ Anjung Gurney hawker center. This was way overpriced, frankly.

Night shot taken by Gurney Drive. Had no tripod, else there would have been more shots.

I've been to Penang numerous times before that I have not bothered with aimless photographing of all things "Penang". However, I do not frequently visit the island as frequently as I do Ipoh, so I figured I'd go ahead and capture my experience while I was there. Most of the memories are stored in video footage form, which I have not gotten along to compile and publish just yet. The next set of photographs should include a hiking trail, a beach and several museum artifacts. I hope I'll find the time to post them along, since my semester has begun.

On a different note, I attended my first creative writing class today and I received good remarks on my 15-minute impromptu monologue in class. My only issue had to do with delivery, which I agree with, given that I was partly mumbling and did not project my voice well enough. Apart from that, things are certainly looking up. U.S. History was pretty interesting, although I do hope I won't be the only girl in class for the rest of the semester. I did see some familiar faces, however, so I guess that's rather comforting to know. I have to admit that I was pretty nervous having to step into creative writing class since the rest of the class is composed of ADP junkies (which basically are the cool kids). And then there's me.

Well, I guess I'll find my voice soon enough and as long as I do, I will be fine. What's even more comforting than good remarks on the first day of class and familiar faces is the Holy Spirit. He was there even in creative writing, assuring me that I ought to be myself and that I will not have to worry. So I've found that I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Praise the Lord!

That's about it, I suppose. I've just spent almost 3 hours in the library editing photos and garnering fashion inspiration while waiting for CF. Prayer meet's about to begin so I ought to go.

Thanks for reading anyways. I love you, whoever you are, haha.

Going somewhere

With the end of the year inching closer, I'm beginning to realize that my time here in Malaysia up until my departure to the States (and hopefully beloved California) is running fast. I haven't quite figured how to put my current emotions into words, so I thought I'd do a short photo blog post instead. These shots, as you may have predicted, were from my trip to Singapore during the summer break this year. I don't remember the last time I ever delved in photo editing (no, Instagram does not count) and although I'm losing a huge amount of sleep tonight before my hiking trip tomorrow, it's been a pretty therapeutic endeavor. It feels as if a part of me has returned, and I am finally at peace with myself. Catharsis, to say the least.

This upcoming winter (well, not really in Malaysia) break will see me take on Bangkok and possibly, two part time jobs. It's truly a rarity to be on two vacations in the same year, but I praise God for everything. I praise Him for the fact that I'm still alive and breathing, as cliche as it sounds. It truly is a blessing to be out and about, rekindling a lost love for a long, untouched hobby and spending time with the people you love, knowing that every second is to be counted for.

And I couldn't ask for anything more, the good and the bad. I have more than I'd ever imagined I would have, and all glory goes to Him.

Streetlights

The set of photos above were taken during the execution of my Sociology service learning project which comprised of volunteering for a soup kitchen initiative. That night, we were required to head downtown to the streets of KL and participate in distributing food to the homeless and less fortunate, who diligently came to collect their dues while simultaneously upholding a sense of awareness of the premises we were in and observing the behaviors of the individuals in such an atmosphere, all in relation to the sociological imagination and other related concepts.

My supposed skills in photography were requested by a classmate who corresponded with my Sociology lecturer, and thus, I was given the opportunity to capture these emphatically provoking images for recording purposes. I was initially a little hesitant, given that low-light photography was my Achilles' heel, but the endeavor soon proved to be less of a nuisance. I had the decency to use a portrait lens that would suffice in low-light conditions, and I was not merely restricted to recording the events that were taking place. Given that there were five pit stops, I devoted myself completely to serving at some stops and to photography at others.

I have to say, I don't think I've had that much fun partaking in community service than I did that night. It truly was overwhelming, the sense of satisfaction within me knowing that I was able to give without pretenses and watch as the world lit up in the lives of the recipient of our labor of love. It's crazy how these little things bring light not just in the lives of others, but in our own just as well.

By looking at these immortalized factions of my memory, I earnestly hope that you too, will somewhat envision the atmosphere and subject I intended to capture, and have the desire to discover for yourself not only what it is to be under the streetlight that lights up a premise, but to be the streetlight and shine right into the souls of the needy.

Pretending lions

I presumed my love for photography would not perish,

But now be it merely partial in play,

No, it cannot be but

Trapped in the recesses of an idle mind,

Inspiration, desire,

Pray tell, where art thou?