I am a lousy Mac user

I've stumbled into realization regarding what a terrible user I am when it comes to using Mac products. Be it the iPad, iPhone or even this Mac computer I'm using here in the university computer lab, I am an injustice to the system itself.

But that isn't the reason why I'm writing this blog post. I was simply bored. Still am, actually.

And I thought it'd be cool to try out a Mac computer, since the normal computer lab with Windows has been closed to the public due to the classes and I feel as if my words are easily intercepted by using the computers outside the lab. Furthermore, my university friend Edmund said he knew how to work the basics on Mac, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

Well? I have to say, it's pretty fun. The monitor is gigantic so I don't have to switch between tabs and since I'm using Safari, Twitter is actually compatible for once. The Windows lab is still stuck in the past with it's XP interface so I guess it's an improvement, although the speed of the internet is much, much slower. Or perhaps it's because of my own incompetence. But I digress.

So, the previous post... What's up with that? I can't help but wonder if there were any readers to begin with who actually bothered to scrutinize my writings and comprehend the meanings behind them. I could totally dismiss this fact, but I choose to allow the benefit of the doubt to linger on since my blog seems to be having a stream of readers, albeit a slow and minute stream but a stream, nevertheless. Anyhow, I decided to strike out the previous post because I simply thought it wouldn't matter any longer to dwell on what I concluded much too early. While The Boy often seeps into my thoughts every once in a while, I'm somewhat able to subdue my inner hopelessly romantic inclinations and focus on the task I have at hand, which is to succeed in university. Also, the facts have somewhat changed in my favor, but I have come to accept that with this new revelation, I must learn to emphasize on what is important and hence dismiss these mere feelings that aren't even fundamental to begin with.

Speaking of which, I'm actually beginning to enjoy my university life. I've made a few friends since my orientation and while I'm not extremely close to any of them, I guess I'm just grateful I actually have company. After all, I'm not exactly well known for being socially adept. As of late, I've been hanging out with these two guy friends of mine regularly during breaks and what not. I do have other friends as well who are girls but I'm still in the process of getting to know them, which I hope will prove successful in the days to come. Contrary to what I've heard before I began university, everyone here is pretty friendly. I don't seem to be having any serious conflicts with anyone and I think it's probably due to the matter of perception. Overall, I'm having a good time in university and I'm grateful enough to have found friends, although I have yet to find the eloquent and fluent peer here. There is literally no one at all in university who even come close to the intellectual bunch I was a part of in high school. I can only hope that the truth of the matter is that they aren't absent but are just invisible, and will come out of hiding soon enough just as I'm attempting to break free from my own reservations, albeit progressively.

Anyhow, that's all I have to say for today. My palms are getting sweaty no thanks to this ridiculously flat keyboard I'm using to type this post. Also, I will be having my History lesson soon and I told myself I'd complete my English assignment on campus since I'll probably be too tired to even do anything tonight.

And I'm out. Ciao.

Peculiar

Because that perfectly describes how my week has been.

Honestly, I was a little hesitant about blogging today, but I figured if I must remain eloquent throughout the coming weeks in this seemingly intellectually-challenged institute of education, writing is no longer a luxury - it has become a necessity. I know it's a little too soon to jump to any conclusions, but for now, it seems as if ADP has come off to me as "relaxed" and "easy". We'll just have to see how that changes by next week.

So my first week in ADP has come to an end. I know I've given a brief verdict on the difference between university and school in the previous post so I won't repeat myself once more, at least not thoroughly anyway. But I will write whatever comes to mind at this very moment.

While a few more days have passed since the first day of university, I dare say that there is still a lot of room for improvement in the social aspects of my uni life. I find myself in so many socially awkward situations - too many to recount that I am starting to wonder if I ever had the ability to communicate in the first place. It seems so difficult altogether to be able to conjure a proper conversation without the aid of the opposite party due to the inner conflicts I have within myself. I could use a little prayer, but the extent of my exhaustion on certain days renders me mentally paralyzed sometimes that I can only manage a short paragraph on the Daily Bread online before I completely doze off.

Since the next three days are days spent at home due to my mother's absence in the household, I will have ample quality time in mending my prayer life and devotion which I will therefore cherish aptly. I do try my best to pray, however, and I have to say in spite of my brief conveyances to God, He has proven to be ever so faithful by answering my prayers in His time. I am grateful that I have made a few more friends other than the ones I have come to know in my orientation, and I would have to say that it marks a milestone in my uni endeavors, at the risk of sounding pathetic.

But my past does not dictate my future. I may be a little slow in the communications department, but I will get there eventually, because I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME.

On a different note, I'm starting to feel even more school sick, if that's a succinct and accurate term of describing this pang of loss I've encountered all week since I started university. In the long breaks between classes, I find myself thinking about what my high school friends might be doing at that very moment during a specific point of time. I try to Whatsapp my tuxedo, Chien Yi as often as I can to find out how everyone's doing and what the rest of my high school group are currently up to, but it doesn't replace the eminent feeling of misery that surfaces in my loneliness. Sigh, I know I sound very melodramatic right now, but I honestly can't help it. I can only hope it will fade in time.

And then there's the matter of The Boy.

I don't like disclosing extremely personal matters about my life on public social media platforms, but honestly it has come to a point where I think I have to address this matter for it to stop. So my dear readers, I am counting on you for advice. And when I say advice, I mean genuine, useful and competent advice. I want the pros and cons, I want the statistics of the risks I may or may not take and ultimately, I want the words that will guide my verdict. After years of dealing with emotional issues, I must admit that I am very much incapable in dealing with this on my own and I need help. I acknowledge that and I sincerely hope that I will receive some feedback regarding this entire ordeal, both negative and positive. I guess I'll attempt to make this as brief as I can not just for the sake of conveying my dilemma in a clear context but to save my readers from utter boredom.

I assume from by disclosing the words "The Boy", you are automatically led to assume that this matter I am to speak about has something to do with the topic of boy-girl relationships and that this "Boy" is my love interest, albeit the nonreciprocating party in this game of cat-and-mouse where I am the cat and uh, he is the mouse? (wait that's not right ugh never mind). Well, I'd hate to disappoint you readers, but my life isn't as dramatic as you may expect it to be. But yes, it does have something to do with a boy and yes, I am interested in him although he has no idea of this infatuation I possess.

Now, the next thing you must be assuming about the matter of this infatuation must be that it is another case of unrequited love. Well, IT IS NOT. Please enlighten me if I am wrong, but the fact that this guy has no idea that I secretly admire him nullifies the argument that I am delving in cowardice of extreme proportions by not confronting him and confessing my feelings to this guy. In fact, I would like to think I am doing otherwise, that I am actually doing myself and him a favor by concealing these inner inclinations I have before anything happens because I know too well that it will only prove detrimental in the event of any conflict if one thing leads to another. I know it all too well.

There are a myriad of reasons why I am adamant in not professing my true feelings for this guy. I shall provide a list below to ease your already aching eyes. (I'm sorry I know this is far from brief but do bear with me)

1. Other than the fact that he is pretty smart, is the right height (I'm taller than the average Malaysian girl so yes, THE BOY is tallllllllll), is a gentleman and has the propensity to seem cute when he does something silly, I don't really know him at all. Unless you put Facebook and the written word into the equation, I don't know what he likes and I've never had long conversations with him in real life before. In short, I simply don't know him AT ALL.

2. He's not in my university. He's in a college in the vicinity of my area, but he's not in my university. Period.
But yeah, I know it's not really a valid point since I'll be able to drive soon anyway..

3. He's not Christian. I know most people might be a little apprehensive when I state this but I have to be honest. When I get into a relationship, I want one that will last for life. I want to consider everything carefully before putting my foot into it so I know I'm making a wise decision. I want to harness a good friendship with the said person before I enter into something more than just friendship. While I should be open and be able to accept differences, I cannot see myself being with someone who has a difference in principles, values and faith (meaning religion you feeble minded people who cannot read figurative language ugh lol joking). 

I may come to terms with everything else, but these 3 characteristics are the ones I cannot falter from.

4. Now the fourth one has to do with myself. I already have fixed long term goals I want and need to achieve.

I am very certain that I am going to pursue psychology and minor in mass communications in an American or Australian university and I have a vague but substantial idea of what I want my future to look like. All I need now is to focus on achieving my goals and that only means, NO HAVING ROMANTIC INCLINATIONS WHATSOEVER WITH ANY GUY AT ALL. I even plan to stay single even after I've completed my tertiary education and graduate studies because I'm pretty sure I cannot find anyone who has the same faith AND mental capacity as myself. And trust me, I'm not saying this out of pride, but because that's how it appears to be.

Which brings me to the source of my frustration - why do I find it hard to let go if I'm so adamant with my principles?

Frankly, I don't know. Perhaps it is because I don't think I will ever find someone with such intellectual potential and with such similar interests. And for goodness' sake, he has all the characteristics I'm looking for in a guy (except the 2 of the important 3 values I strongly emphasize on)! He doesn't look to shabby either so for once I don't have to be petite just to fit a guy's size or short to match one's height and he's very eloquent AND fluent - a combination you don't often see every day. I have a feeling I can just be myself, both physically and mentally if I pursue this. Also, for someone with brains, I think it's given that the friendship thing will definitely come first before the relationship thing will even commence.

But yes, I know. These are just feelings. These are all mere assumptions I'm using to make myself believe that there is some valid argument between my head and my heart.

So there, readers, please aid me in my dilemma. I know the decision is ultimately mine, but do assist me as I am a totally hopeless person in such matters. And please, give professional and logical opinions via  thoroughly analyzed notions and not just stupid responses backed up by nothing but feelings and some sheer stupidity. Moreover, I don't find favor in trial-and-error situations, so do keep that in mind, thank you very much.

HELP, I NEED HELP.

UPDATE (30/01) : I guess I could have deleted the whole part of this post since some of the information I've given has proven to be incorrect, but I value the time and effort I've put into writing this post, so it'll stay albeit strikingly. As for the matter, in it's currently accurate context does not require any dealing with because I've somewhat managed to sort it out. So in case, there was someone (I highly doubt so) who was going to dish some really good advice, I'm sorry to say that I won't be needing it at this current point of time. But thank you :)

College no university yes

I'm not sure if you can tell but I based the post title on TNAF's track Crazy Yes Dumb No. Well, I suppose not since they're pretty obscure and you probably don't want to be part of this hipsteria I'm still part of.

While it's only the second day of my life in university and my first day of classes for ADP at Taylor's, I'm already starting to feel exhausted. Perhaps it is the long hours of university that sources my misery or my restless mental state that is to be blamed. Or maybe it's the ungodly hours I am forced to arise in. I honestly don't think 5.40AM in the morning is a decent hour to rise and shine given that my bus isn't very punctual either and my eye bags are even more defined now. Needless to say, undertaking two days of uni life has somewhat given me some perspective regarding the contrast between my previous phase of life with the current one now.

So I'll say it. I miss high school. I miss my friends. I MISS SCHOOL. I MEAN IT.

Sure, go ahead. Tell me "I TOLD YOU SO". I'm too tired to give two hoots to anyone who says "In your face" anyway. I honestly couldn't careless.

While ADP is structured to somewhat emulate the American high school/college system, it's a totally different experience altogether. While classes aren't back to back, which makes it convenient if there are group projects or assignments to be completed during breaks, the fact that I have different classmates in every class makes it really difficult for me to form long lasting bonds with anyone. I won't say I have no friends at all, because that's untrue. But I will say that so far I have only been in contact with three of them regularly since orientation, which of course, was yesterday. Everyone else seems to have gone as quickly as they introduced themselves.

Anyhow, I know it is a little too early to determine anything so I won't make my conclusions now. Most of the people I've met so far have been courteous and rather spontaneous as well, but I haven't found a soul that I could potentially relate with to the extent of being soul mates. Of course, I already have one in church but I do think it would be nice to meet someone who values acrolect speech, intellect and eloquence as much as I do and has similar interests. I have met some pretty decent people in these two days but I haven't quite found anyone with the likes of my original high school bunch. I know in my heart that my upper sec buddies are irreplaceable and this simply makes the whole situation at the moment even more unbearable.

Guys, if you ever read this, I want you all to know that I love all of you very much and there is no one else in this world that can come close or completely replace any of you. EVER.

Other than the atrocities of bonding with other fellow ADP-ians, I've also come to realise that I have to adopt a very independent mindset in uni. I'm expected to know everything by checking the Student Portal, contacting my lecturers, checking with the office, asking lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots (I am not exaggerating, I KID YOU NOT) of questions as well as through conversing with other students. There is no such thing as having the right to remain silent because speaking up counts as participation and participation equals good CGPA. So far I've not just come across ADP students but foundation students as well, since they make up the majority of the faculty. I've even bumped into some of my secondary school peers while taking strolls around the campus during lunch, although I have absolutely no intention to reunite with them, for personal reasons.

While I have been a little slow in the social department, I have to say I'm pretty fortunate I didn't have to eat lunch alone. For almost the entire day I was on campus, I spent most of my time with these two guys when it came to non-academic related activities. And by doing so, I even got to know other people from the foundation programs, which I reckon is a good thing. However, I'm going to try forming friendships with some girls as well because I honestly don't want to be too dependent on certain individuals like I used to in most of my school years and ultimately because I don't want to come off as stereotypical in a certain sense. Like all the ADP lecturers say, it is good to have a balance whether in academics, ECAs and life in general. And therefore, I will take heed and prove myself worthy.

So there, my thoughts on my first two days of university.

Now, I must catch up on sleep. Goodnight.

Good, better, best

Before I begin, I feel that there is a need to apologize to my invisible/future readers for the lack of updates in the past few days. I am truly sorry for failing to post consistently of my daily undertakings for I have been pretty taken aback by the amount of sugar and lemons life has been throwing at me that I deemed it necessary to take a break and succumb to some lemonade. Anyhow, I will do my best to compensate in this post everything that I have failed to take account of in the past few days.

So, what have I been doing in the past 6 days that has put me off writing?

It's simple - MORE WRITING. A few days ago, I managed to coin and put together a short story out of nothing and I must say that I am pretty happy with the outcome. I wanted to write something inclined towards science fiction, but I ended up crafting a short laced with psychology as well and I used two different POVs - first person and third person omniscient. Honestly, when I first started out writing the short, I didn't think I was ever going to complete it at all since all the shorts I have written in the past have never been finished, so I'm quite proud of myself to have actually put in effort and pulled this off.

I really wanted a fruitful exercise that could help me apply and translate all that I've learned in the past two months of delving into countless science fiction works and literature and I decided writing my own original short would prove the success of my literary undertakings. So I spent about 3 to 4 days crafting the plot, writing and proofreading the entire document until I was satisfied with my work. I have to say though, that the uncanny and yet fascinating fact about the plot was that I actually pieced together notions I acquired in the shower, while jogging around the neighborhood and while listening to loops of The Temper Trap remixes in order to come up with something substantial to be written as a short.

It's still puzzles me how the strangest and most ingenious of ideas come from the most unexpected places, but hey, I'm not complaining.

So to compensate for my absence, I have provided you with the liberty to read the short story on Google Docs under the link below. I would love to hear some feedback, both positive and negative. So far I've been receiving good views of this piece, but I'm pretty sure I still have a lot to work on since I'm still an amateur at it. So please by all means, do offer any form of constructive criticism while remaining tact simultaneously. Thanks in advance :)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/12Lk8Zj6AS2DrA7gaGzhYyzOg3SGPwe0cC8hmmKH85GQ/edit

Other than writing, I've been rushing to complete a number of things I have set my mind to do before college begins. Since I can't remember the exact sequence of events, I'll be including a few photos to help convey the occurrences that have made my past week (and earlier) memorable.

11 January 2013

Yes, my interview with Dia Frampton! While I didn't get a chance to attend her live showcase, getting an opportunity to see her up, close and personal was already such a blessing. Never had I thought I would have a chance to do some real journalistic work, and yet there I was in that room in Universal Music Malaysia speaking to her in person via interview!

I've always loved Dia's music since her music is inclined towards indie and alternative music, but being able to discover the individual behind the voice I've been listening to musically on iTunes was a different experience altogether. Dia's really sweet and friendly in real life and she sounds just as mesmerizing in speech just as she is in song. I'm really glad that I had the chance to meet her and I really thank God for answering my prayers :)

12 January 2013

I cooked a complete dinner for my family for the first time last Saturday. I know the photos don't look appealing but I assure you it is merely a photographic injustice to the real thing. And mind you, I'm not a culinary art graduate, so I know nothing about presentation. I made aglio olio e pepperoncino with bacon bits, sauteed mushrooms and minestrone soup. I plan to cook an Asian dinner the next time, if I find time to do so. But overall, this was a success flavor-wise.

15 January 2013

Thanks to my sister, my mum sponsored me a one day pass to go watch the Golden Disk Awards on the 15th! I may not be a hardcore K-pop fan, but the prospect was enough to get my inner fan girl squealing with excitement. I had the chance to watch some great acts such as Super Junior, Infinite, SHINee, KARA, 4minute, Teen Top, B2ST and more perform live. It was like watching Music Bank on KBS, except in real life albeit a lot further than I had expected. But hey, I got to watch them live and managed to grab some pretty cool merchandise as well!

16 January 2013

My third driving lesson commenced on the 16th. While it was probably one of the most strenuous and taxing lesson I've had by far, I'm quite glad I now have better control over my steering and can change gears much smoother now. I have to stop myself from being too absent minded though, because I have this overwhelming propensity to get distracted when I'm driving. But overall, it was a good lesson and I managed to uh, "bond" with my instructor. Sort of, anyway. No photos for this for obvious reasons.

18 January 2013

So I tried making macarons after doing a little research and pre-baking troubleshooting, but as you can see from the photo above, they obviously failed. The macarons were meant for the people in cell but since they failed, I couldn't very well bring them there. Fortunately someone else brought creme brulee so I didn't feel too guilty.

The photo above was an Instagram taken by my friend whom I gave some of the macarons to, since he said he didn't care much for presentation. So I offered some to him and I believe his exactly words were "They taste heavenly!". Honestly, I think that's a really exaggerated fact, but oh well, no one's complaining, so I shouldn't bother :P I plan to try a different recipe though when I make it the next time so I do hope that will become a successful venture.

19 January 2013

Right, another Instagram photo. I stole this from Kah Wern's Instagram. Meh.

Anyway, my first laser tag game at Galactic Laser in Mid Valley! It was a pretty awesome experience albeit a short one. I really had a lot of fun and very fortunately, I did not come last and got the lowest percentage of hits throughout the game. One thing's certain - I'm definitely going back for more!

After we were done with laser tag, I had to head back to church for worship practice. I honestly have to say that for the first worship practice of the year, it was a really good one. There was definitely more emphasis on the spiritual aspects of worship rather than the technical stuff. It was really refreshing to see some change in the way worship is being handled and I am definitely looking forward to work towards improving my worship life as well as to practice harder and experiment with more complex chords and melodies.

This year is not a year for backing down and giving up - it's a year of growth, realignment and reassignment.

So yeah, that's pretty much it for my week. I've decided not to discuss the misfortunes because honestly, I've decided that it's just unnecessary to recall all the bad things that have happened in the course of my life. It seems really tangible now, but I know that in time, I probably won't be as emotional as I am now.

On a lighter note, college starts tomorrow! I'm not sure what to expect, but I am pretty psyched about being able to take a plunge into a new environment.

Alright, I'm out.

18 months

I couldn't come up with a suitable post title so I thought I'd stick with Calvin Harris' album title - 18 Months. It's on my playlist now anyway.

It might be sad watching all my peers begin college tomorrow when I still have 6 more days left before my orientation, but watching them all attend the same college, doing the same course and probably the same subject combination somewhat gives me this pang of loss. I'm just grateful that I have a K-pop concert to attend tomorrow. Also, I'll most probably be having my third driving lesson on Friday, be cooking up a storm so I have something to feed the youths at cell with on Friday as well and there's laser tag and worship practice on Saturday back-to-back. I guess I can say that my days have been and will be pretty productive, but despite my ongoing hipsteria, the flesh does still crave to conform.

I'm honestly hoping my days won't be too lonely in Lakeside. I'm not sure what to expect, but I certainly hope that in the midst of all the pandemonium and the human theatrics, some good will prevail and I will find a true friend. I'll be grateful even if I make just one friend, because honestly, I have a long way to go in honing my communication skills so I don't expect much.

But I know God will give me more than I ask for, so I'd better brace myself for whatever comes.

I guess I'll just list down the few things I managed to do today.

1. Read the third installment of the Artemis Fowl series

2. Make a sandwich (heh)

3. Take a few photographs of random articles around my house in RAW format (badass!)

4. Watch Episode 2 of Downton Abbey S3

5. Write an original short story out of the blue

Unfortunately, I got pretty caught up in my short story that I totally forgot about jogging in the evening. Sigh, I really ought to put in effort and become healthier this year.

Anyways, I guess I'll go spend some time reading the Word and doing my devotion now. So far, so good :)

New Year Resolutions : 2013

I know I've jumped on the bandwagon a little later than most people, but hey, I got it done anyway. So here it is.

TO STOP PROCRASTINATING.
To spend more time with God and in building my spiritual life
To pen down more scriptures, prayers, little nuggets of spiritual insight and testimonies throughout the year
To seize all negative notions and thoughts and discard them immediately
To treat everyone equally with kindness and compassion
To give every single person, regardless who and what they've done (including my parents) the benefit of the doubt
To be more outspoken, and be unafraid to make mistakes
To be more courageous, in the midst of affliction and to not to give in to fear
To actually study and achieve a good CGPA in my pre-university course (For now... I'll ace the Dean's List and graduate with First Class Honors eventually :P)
To master Photoshop and increase my knowledge on technology and gadgetry
To start taking up photography again
To write more, for pleasure or for work and for better, or for worse (Okay, this is getting a little pulpit declamatory. Heh.)
To read more and learn from the works I delve into, both fact and fiction, for the better.
To frequent the use of euphemism in order to stop mouthing profanities
To become more thrifty in my finances

These are the few things I want to achieve this year. I haven't been very specific, I do realise, but I'm sure the Holy Spirit will guide me as I go along. I certainly hope that when the end of the year does come by, I will be able to reflect on this list of resolutions and take pride in successfully achieving most of them, if not all.

I'm pretty sure the first thing on the list has to be checked first before I will be able to attempt the following items on the list. And therefore, I shall.

Here's to 2013. Cheers.

LYFE

At the moment, I can't seem to think of what to write. Perhaps it is because I am conversing with a friend on Facebook. Or maybe it is because I can't seem to get that Tumblr GIF of a walrus doing sit ups out of my mind. Or maybe it's because I have writer's block.

Bullshit, obviously. Anyone can tell. I'm still writing, aren't I?

Not anymore.

Brevity

I've discovered the reason behind my loss for words as of late. It was because the wrong song was playing in the background. Music really does a splendid job of transforming the atmosphere you're in and rendering one capable of expressing a million emotions while still achieving comprehension. It's odd really, but something I find comforting, nevertheless.

So, back to my day.

Today was the beginning of my self-proclaimed culinary adventure. Since there's only a mere 11 more days until the first day of my pre-university life, I figured I should attempt all the recipes I've been dying to try since pre-SPM. So last night, I conducted an intensive Google search on all the AFC and Food Network recipes I have been keeping an eye on for months and began jotting all the recipes down with my pen on used paper. So far, I've made notes for 4 recipes with one of which I will be attempting to cook for dinner this weekend. I honestly hope nothing comes up at the last minute and that I have sufficient time to carry out what I have cerebrated since my grandmother usually prefers to do the honours of putting food on the table on weekdays. With a recipes reserved for this weekend's self-declamatory cook off, I had another three more recipes left. Two of the recipes consisted of mostly baking which could be done during weekdays since my grandmother is no master in the art of pattiserie.

The first recipe of the two I attempted today was craggy chocolate cake. After witnessing the making of this visually delectable dessert on French Cooking at Home with Laura Calder, I instantly decided I would someday try it. And today just happened to be that day I had long awaited. Unlike your typical chocolate cake, which includes the use of flour and baking powder and nonsense whatsoever, this cake only required eggs, chocolate, butter and sugar. The ingredients were easily attainable and the promised end result was not a conventional fluffy cake, but a cake with a cookie like consistency on the top and a moist centre within. I couldn't help but delve into the notion of a meringue textured sweet treat, so I went straight on ahead to purchase the ingredients and then adjourned to make the cake.

Here's a pleasant (at least to me) image of the outcome.

Doesn't it look absolutely delectable?

Honestly, I don't think I will ever bake this again unless I obtain proper assistance. It is extremely taxing having to alternately whisk two different bowls of eggs and sugar while watching over a water bath when heating chocolate and butter. It seemed so easy when I was watching it on the show, but I now realise that it is no easy feat and it takes practice to be able to perfect such multitask. Also, the egg whites somehow refused to form stiff peaks despite having being whisked over an extended period of time. Perhaps I have only myself to blame for being so incompetent in the kitchen. My right arm hurt within a matter of seconds when I was whisking those whites. Sigh. I'm assuming that was why the cake did not rise as well as I had expected it to and did not produce a craggy top out of the oven. It tasted more like a brownie instead, with a crisp top and chewy bottom. Oh well, at least my freshly whipped cream worked out and it complemented the dessert perfectly to balance off the sweetness of the cake.

I must say, I have new found respect for all chefs, both culinary and pattiserie. Today certainly marked the beginning of my culinary endeavours. I just hope this weekend's dinner will go as planned and that I will be able to execute as planned.

Alright, enough talk about food. I'm pretty sure you are now susceptible to raiding the kitchen for snacks to nullify your current hunger.

On a less appetizing and yet enthusiastic note, I will be seeing the high school group tomorrow. It feels really uncanny discussing about them as if they were but a distant memory, honestly. I only left school two months ago and yet I feel as if the notion of school offers a sense of unfamiliarity, a strangeness I can't seem to grasp. Anyhow, away with the deep thoughts. I'm superbly glad that I will be able to go out with this bunch of amazing and individually unique group of people before they and soon, I step into the world of tertiary education. While Ka Yan has attended her orientation, the rest of us are pretty much anticipating to see what college life (or for me, uni life) will bring. But we could not possibly do it without having one last get-together to embrace the moments we've had and to reignite this flame of friendship, hoping that it does not do away.

Oh God, why do I sound so poetic? -.- Right, I shall snap out of it.

Anyway, tomorrow will be our last outing together before college/uni begins. And I will cherish it and sing to my heart's content in the karaoke. I will try not to lose my voice, however, since I will be taking on another valuable prospect the following day.

I'll be meeting Dia Frampton in person! *inner indie squealing with immense joy*

The fact didn't sink in until today when an acquaintance of mine who is part of the video crew asked if he could use my DSLR to record the interview. It was then that I realised how crucial it was for me to get my act together, embrace my outgoing personality and rock the interview. I'm really glad that I won't be alone on my first official journalism assignment. Moreover, as I was informed regarding the possibility of interviewing Dia Frampton today, I realised this would be my first official encounter/communion/whatever with a recording artiste.

It's amazing, the opportunities that have arose in such a short period of time. It seemed at first a long and dreadful holiday, but now I realise just how much freedom I have to do what I have been wanting to do for such a long time. And it feels great. And I ultimately thank God for all of this :)

So yeah, that's pretty much what I've been up to lately. I haven't been reading or writing fiction in the past few days though. Honestly, sometimes I can't help but think that when life somewhat exudes a certain excitement, a sudden anticipation that surges through our veins, we become obliged to abandon our devices of amusement in order to truly live the life as we perceive should be. We then escape our escapism to embrace this reality, this tangibility we once deemed imperfect and abhorring. We think that we have discovered new meaning in life only to watch all of it fade to black as quickly as it presented itself before retreating to our dull lives where the cycle repeats itself.

And that, my friend, is what life does to us. A form of mental torture really, but what more can I say?

I can only cross my fingers and pray.

Driven low

My second driving lesson commenced today, and I must say that while today's lesson was much more productive than the last one, anxiety and insecurity seems to bombard me endlessly. The thing is, I'm not sure what was it precisely that triggered it either, so I can't really get to the bottom of it. Perhaps it was my driving instructor's constant sighs, due to the fact that I'm pretty hopeless at steering. Or the fact that my changing gears aren't very precise. Or the fact that I'm so insecure on the road that I don't have the confidence to make that turn accurately. Or the fact that I often don't press the clutch to maximum when switching gears.

Well, technically, there are just too many reasons behind my pangs of angst and reproach towards all manual vehicles. I may have improved a little and may have managed to get the hang of the slope, the three-point turn and reverse parking, but that's only half the battle won. I still suck at driving on the highway and my incompetent steering frequently causes my instructor to question my sanity and subsequently examine to see if I am suicidal at best. Or worst. Anyhow, all of this just makes me wonder if I will ever be able to pass the driving test when the time comes, although this is just the second lesson.

Honestly, this might probably be the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. While I may not speak the truth as I am not relatively comparing this matter towards prior atrocities in life, that's pretty much how this whole ordeal feels like now. What if I'm absolutely hopeless at driving and cannot be prevailed upon to be independent in locomotion? How will I ever ease the burden of my grandmother who is proving to lose her ability of discernment even when it comes to walking?

Just the other day, my grandmother told me discretely that she had tripped while walking home from the shops. When I saw the wounds on my grandmother's arm due to the scratches credited to the asphalt ground, my heart just shattered into a million pieces. While I think walking is a very beneficial and health-oriented activity for all, at her age, I can't possibly expect her to be as alert and able as she once was. Therefore, driving has become a crucial prospect towards aiding my grandmother as it will provide convenience if she needs to go to the shops to purchase groceries or to the pharmacy to attain her medication. Needless to say, driving is not a luxury - it has become a necessity.

And this is why I must continue to persevere. I mustn't let this get me down. I'm not sure how my peers are faring in the their driving, but I don't think I'm far behind from where they are, if not ahead. I will be able to drive. I can drive. All I need is a little practice. I need to do this, for Popo. And for myself, so I may commute to uni without having to take the bus.

There, I think I've done a pretty splendid job of nullifying my negative cerebration. Now I shall go back to brainstorming for ideas on what to cook for dinner this weekend.

Ciao.

Rewired

I honestly don't know how to begin. At this moment, I have absolutely no idea how to say the things I've been wanting to say, how to pen down my deepest of thoughts or even how to express what I've been feeling over the weekend. It seems to me as if my ability to write has somewhat vanished overnight. Sure, I may be constructing sentences right now, but I'm merely producing this post out of intellectual obligation. I'm not crafting my blog post, as I usually do. Anyhow, I will still continue to write and hope that my muse will somehow return as I go along.

So, rewired? Honestly, it's not a word I think anyone extremely eloquent would title their blog posts, but as I am currently lost for words, I consider it a succinct word to describe my recent undertakings. I would earnestly choose to leave this page and resume whatever I was doing prior to this, but I felt that these happenings were somewhat too spiritually historical to leave behind. Therefore, regardless of what it will take, I must give an account of my day yesterday and perhaps even of today, be it as brief or as lengthy as possible.

Yesterday was the first Uth Leaders meeting of the year. While I arrived late (it wasn't my fault this time, my mum was running late!) and felt incredibly awkward sitting in a circle with the rest of the leaders especially since I haven't been present for most meetings last year, I must say that the outcome of yesterday's meet will result in a major paradigm shift for the youth group. Even the first youth service of the year today was such an eye-opener for me. Instead of being typically briefed on the vision of the church and the general responsibilities being a leader, we were given insight on what it meant to take up leadership and serve in the ministry real time.

I cannot deny that it was probably the best leaders meeting I have ever attended in the entire course of being part of the youth leadership. Unlike 2012 where every leader performed general tasks in the ministry, the focus for 2013 was really to assign everyone to their specific roles as well as educate them on their respective authority and function as the older leaders are beginning to assume their roles in another ministry. There's definitely more attention to detail than there was last year and it's great to know that God is pioneering change in our youth group.

As of now, I'm officially the new head of multimedia in the creative works department. Honestly, I was initially a little skeptical towards this sudden revelation. I didn't think I was up to it since I don't even know how to use Photoshop and while learning to deal with equipment and all that amazing technology in church may not be astrophysics, it will take time to adjust to my new responsibilities since I'm not particularly fond of whatever it is I'm supposed to do.

But then I realised how relevant this new undertaking is to this year's theme - Realigning for reassigning. God's thinking about aligning me in order to assign me into wherever it is I'm supposed to be. His plan and His purpose is slowly coming into the light, and that's really amazing. Now not only do I have an idea of what my calling is career-wise, I actually have a glimpse of what God is using me for in the ministry! I am really psyched for all that is to come this year and I know that while media is not one of my strongest points, in my weakness - GOD IS STRONG. And that's all I will have to dwell upon in order for motivation.

I'm totally aware that things aren't going to be easy this year. In fact, I think it may turn out to be more difficult than last year. But this is a step I have to take, if I want to become a better person. If I want to have a close relationship with God. If I want to fulfill God's destiny for me. I need to let God call the shots when it comes to molding me into becoming who God has intended for me to be. I've tried time and time again with my own strength to convince myself that all I need is self-confidence and hard work, but now I see that it is by God's grace that I receive all that I have. I just have to do what I have to do, and let God do what God needs to do. I refuse to play God anymore. It's His job, so I'll let Him do what He does best!

It's amazing how my relationship with God has been reinstated after almost a year of spiritual neglect. I find truth in the most unexpected of places and it has been really enlightening.

So yeah, I've been rewired. Not to the things of this world, but to God. It's an amazing feeling. I'm really looking forward to the rest of the year, especially the start of college. Most of my peers are actually having their orientation tomorrow and it somewhat bugs me that I'm still at home, rotting inevitably. Furthermore, the rest of my peers will be starting college on the 14th and 15th next week, which leaves me another week to rot in utter solitude. I just hope cell and the meetings that are yet to be called to organize the multimedia department will somewhat render me ensconced in something productive.

About time I hit the sack. It has been a pleasure. Goodnight.

A standard Friday

No, not really. At least, that's not what a typical Friday will be like once I'm off to college. I hope.

I can't believe it's already the 4th. Just a few days ago, it was New Year's Day. And yet it still feels like New Year's Day. Every single day feels like the 1st. It feels new altogether. It's still seeping in my veins, this It's a sensation that has yet to be rid, but altogether it's not a bad thing.

Except the part where I become exceptionally restless due to the lack of activity.

Sure, I fill my days with hours of reading Artemis Fowl, writing excerpts of novels that will probably end up forgotten, watching reruns of Downton Abbey and Hot in Cleveland for the umpteenth time and occasionally, committing myself to doing household chores. The only thing that makes today exceptional is probably the fact that I planted a tree today. That's if you count an aloe vera plant, a tree. It's more of a shrub really. Heck, I don't know and I honestly don't care. Other than that, I don't seem to be doing anything productive or potentially beneficial towards myself and mankind.

As I'm typing this and slowly rotting to death, my accomplice Natalie is in Kuala Lumpur, probably having fun shopping with her aunt. Ah, Kuala Lumpur. I've always loved KL. There's is something about the metropolis that evokes a sense of belonging in me. Perhaps it's because I live in KL despite having a home situated far away from the hustle and bustle of explicit urbanity. Or maybe it's because I am barely offered an opportunity to go downtown, and therefore, it evokes curiosity as to what lies behind the facades of the abundant mercantile establishments and the state of the art infrastructure (not really, actually) and towering skyscrapers. While I can find most of my daily necessities and shopping hot spots in Petaling Jaya, which is much nearer to where I live as compared to KL, nothing beats KL where cultural diversity remains in tact and where richness in history can be seen through the emblems of independence displayed by the city. In spite of the intolerable traffic congestion, the preposterous parking fees and the constant ripoffs by avaricious taxi drivers, Kuala Lumpur is a city I just couldn't help falling in love with, flaws and all. I am and will always be an urbanite at heart.

So I see my blog post has evolved into a proclamation of my love towards KL. Well then, I guess I'll just end with some photos I took about 2 or 3 years ago. Ah, those rebellious days of lying to my parents that I was going to KL with a large group of peers, when in actuality I was scouring the streets of the metropolis with merely an avid photographer for company. Well, I'm definitely not proud of it and I've grown since then.

But here goes.

All that glitters is not gold

It all seems rather uncanny how the lesson in life I learnt today correlates with the theme of the short story I am currently working on. Perhaps it is merely coincidence, but I'd like to think of it as divine intervention. God is speaking to me again. Spot on.

So I've discovered some truths, some really ugly truths. However, these are the stories I've vowed never to speak about to protect the privacy of those involved in the ordeal. Therefore I won't disclose anything of the matter here. I won't even mention the individuals pertaining the truths being spoken about. But I will state what I have learned from this entire ordeal, for it will prove valuable in the future when I reminisce the days of my naivety.

I cannot judge a book by it's cover. As common and as abhorrently cliche as it sounds, I simply cannot. And to think I was intelligent enough to deduce, to determine, to predict. It was not a clever move, I must say. I won't even bother with the details of my undertakings because I feel like a complete idiot now for partaking in such acts of folly. I will only say that it was an account of the misinterpretation of a certain individual, which I had once highly regarded due to the individual's level of intellect and morale appeal. While all human beings have a propensity to fall short of glory and should be given the benefit of the doubt, I believe that the accounts I have been enlightened with was sufficient to have me rethinking the course of the decisions I have made mentally. I can officially say that I have received closure and have done what was necessary to rectify all my past judgements. And for that, I am relieved.

And to think that one of my unwritten resolutions of 2013 is to become more vigilant. Not prejudiced, but vigilant of man in general. In the current state of society, one can never be too sure of what lies in the hearts of man. After all, I'm not clairvoyant, as much as I actually hope to be. I should have known better than to rely on my own emotions, my own mental dwellings, despite how innocuous matters appear to be. Needless to say, I've totally blown that resolution of the list way before it was even implemented in the first place. 

Fortunately, it's never too late to patch things up and begin anew. It is certainly not the time to regret in utter agony over what has happened in the past. I've learned from my mistakes and now it is time to move on. In fact, I think this supposed misfortune is actually a blessing in disguise. Learning my lesson at the beginning of 2013 simply means that I am better prepared for what is to come for the rest of the year. I may have lost something, but I did gain as well. God is truly amazing.

On a lighter note, I went for my first driving lesson yesterday. It was a little odd sitting on the driver's seat and having to deal with an audacious vehicle (ugh, who am I kidding, it's a freaking Kancil), but overall my first driving experience was quite interesting. I'm not sure whether the adjective bears positive or negative connotations, but it was quite thrilling. I learned the basics of driving a manual vehicle as well as parking procedure and the 3-point turn maneuver. Ultimately, I was forced (yes, it was against my will) to drive home, although my driving instructor was in control of the steering most of the time. I was quite traumatized at first, but after conversing with a friend of mine whom I had obtained the instructor's mobile number from, I discovered that only students my instructor deemed capable were given an opportunity to pull such a stint. While that is a relief, I won't say I'm prepared to face the next lesson.

Anyhow, once I complete this entire course and pass the driving test, I'll drive an auto vehicle. It is strenuous exercise, having to stretch your left foot completely on the clutch when changing gears while simultaneously dealing with the accelerator or the brake pedal and the gear.

I do believe I have passed my bedtime. I was suppose to hit the sack earlier tonight since I have been sleeping at midnight for the past few days and it has proven detrimental to my eyes. They are extremely sore right now.

Alright, enough with the small talk. I've made my point. Out I go. Ta.

Ruby

Foster The People aren't very good with ballads.

Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

So I was a little too encumbered with excitement at the strike of midnight and couldn't sleep until 2AM, but I think I can safely say that I am now very much composed and will not be posting anymore photos of myself flexing my muscles on Facebook. I feel terribly embarrassed for doing so and as much as I like the "attention", I think there is definitely more to life than that.

Instead, this is what I'll be doing this year.

ESCAPING CRITICISM

At least that's what the attraction was called. This was taken at the Trick Art Museum in i-City, Shah Alam, by the way. Honestly, I didn't think it was worth paying RM5 as an entrance fee, since such attractions are very common internationally for free but hey, I have a new Twitter icon for the new year.

I should get some sleep now. I'll be having my first driving lesson tomorrow. HUZZAH.

More on new year's day tomorrow, if I feel up to it. And only if Christopher doesn't pester me in mastering the flight simulation programme. Heh.

Attraversiamo. It means crossing over. And that's exactly what I've done, from 2012 into 2013.