Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Driven low

My second driving lesson commenced today, and I must say that while today's lesson was much more productive than the last one, anxiety and insecurity seems to bombard me endlessly. The thing is, I'm not sure what was it precisely that triggered it either, so I can't really get to the bottom of it. Perhaps it was my driving instructor's constant sighs, due to the fact that I'm pretty hopeless at steering. Or the fact that my changing gears aren't very precise. Or the fact that I'm so insecure on the road that I don't have the confidence to make that turn accurately. Or the fact that I often don't press the clutch to maximum when switching gears.

Well, technically, there are just too many reasons behind my pangs of angst and reproach towards all manual vehicles. I may have improved a little and may have managed to get the hang of the slope, the three-point turn and reverse parking, but that's only half the battle won. I still suck at driving on the highway and my incompetent steering frequently causes my instructor to question my sanity and subsequently examine to see if I am suicidal at best. Or worst. Anyhow, all of this just makes me wonder if I will ever be able to pass the driving test when the time comes, although this is just the second lesson.

Honestly, this might probably be the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. While I may not speak the truth as I am not relatively comparing this matter towards prior atrocities in life, that's pretty much how this whole ordeal feels like now. What if I'm absolutely hopeless at driving and cannot be prevailed upon to be independent in locomotion? How will I ever ease the burden of my grandmother who is proving to lose her ability of discernment even when it comes to walking?

Just the other day, my grandmother told me discretely that she had tripped while walking home from the shops. When I saw the wounds on my grandmother's arm due to the scratches credited to the asphalt ground, my heart just shattered into a million pieces. While I think walking is a very beneficial and health-oriented activity for all, at her age, I can't possibly expect her to be as alert and able as she once was. Therefore, driving has become a crucial prospect towards aiding my grandmother as it will provide convenience if she needs to go to the shops to purchase groceries or to the pharmacy to attain her medication. Needless to say, driving is not a luxury - it has become a necessity.

And this is why I must continue to persevere. I mustn't let this get me down. I'm not sure how my peers are faring in the their driving, but I don't think I'm far behind from where they are, if not ahead. I will be able to drive. I can drive. All I need is a little practice. I need to do this, for Popo. And for myself, so I may commute to uni without having to take the bus.

There, I think I've done a pretty splendid job of nullifying my negative cerebration. Now I shall go back to brainstorming for ideas on what to cook for dinner this weekend.


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