God's ways > My ways

Last Friday, I shared a message at my cell group. Prior to that, my cell leader had asked if I could share, and he had suggested I expounded on the message shared on Sunday by one of my fellow youth leaders about transformation. Given that I already had some thoughts about what was shared on Sunday, and felt I should realign those points with the truth of the Gospel, I agreed to do it.

And so I shared a message on transformation, and explained some of the points that were made on Sunday. Based on what I learned on Sunday about love being the source of transformation, I reaffirmed the truth of God's love for us in the Gospel, through the Bible. I shared about how easy it was to be disillusioned by performance and possessions to the extent that mistake it as our main goal, when really, all we have and are is founded upon the purpose of love.

I talked about how love was the source and product of transformation, and urged everyone, including myself to be aware of how we evaluate our fruitfulness and to constantly be on guard against idleness, so we don't forget that God is love.

But that's not what I intend to talk about in today's post.

After cell, some cell members encouraged me and reaffirmed me that my sharing was good. I figured most of them were tired that Friday night, and they'd said it because they were afraid that I'd be disappointed if whatever I shared failed to get through their fatigued selves. Or maybe they'd actually paid attention, and received something that night. Whatever it was, the Holy Spirit had reminded me prior to cell that it didn't matter; I was only the mouthpiece, God was and is the one who will work through them.

I also kept it in mind that whatever I said had to be out of love, and the Holy Spirit really helped me be a lot more compassionate and forgiving towards others, than I could ever afford to be in my own strength. With that, I shrugged in response to the positive comments, not dwelling on what I'd said or done that night.

However, on Sunday, I received feedback that wasn't too encouraging. I was at Alpha, having refreshments when I overheard the youth cell group leader conversing with a fellow member of the cell group I attended. The cell leader was curious about our last session, and expressed it to my fellow cell member. If I'm not mistaken, apparently the cell leader had heard from one of his own cell members who had attended my cell that Friday that my message was [insert adjective describing mediocrity/not good enough] here. My fellow cell member confirmed it, as he had heard this person say the message was "dry".

I won't lie, I was pretty discouraged. My message was dry? It was the second time I'd shared at cell, and the Holy Spirit had revealed to me that when I first shared, I lacked love. I was all about truth, and lacked in grace when it came to addressing sin and the imperfections of others. I was brutally honest the last time, and through a discipleship meeting with J N two nights before cell, God made me rethink the way I shared my message so it would be deep, and yet still exude love and grace. And it was dry?

I was devastated, at first. Then I was grateful - grateful that the Holy Spirit lived within me, and spoke to me at that moment. I had to make a decision.

If I so much as allowed that thought to prevail in my mind, it simply meant that I had allowed one person's opinion, to define the legitimacy of the message I had shared.

However, if I brought into remembrance what I had learned from the Word of God and the prompting of the Holy Spirit and had faith that God would still speak despite how I shared, it meant I was committing my ways unto the Lord; trusting in Him as He brought forth my righteousness as the light, and my justice as noonday.

And boy am I glad I chose the latter. I chose to believe that the God I love and serve reigns beyond the limitations of my flesh. I chose to trust the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding. I took refuge in the Lord than trust in man.

People's comments, be they positive or negative may address the nature of how or what has been shared, but they don't matter as much as who it was shared for and why. When we share a message, it is for our God who is love. It is for the furtherance of His kingdom alone.

After receiving a rebuke from J N two nights before my sharing was due, I felt really discouraged. I felt I wasn't ready to share, and that I should just drop this responsibility because I felt my heart wasn't right before God. I thought I had made a mistake by agreeing to share, because I was just a wreck.

But then the Holy Spirit spoke to me.

"Are you doing this for yourself, or for God?"

"If you choose to run away now and not share, you're basically running away from what God has called you to do. You're also saying that God's not as great as we all claim He is, because you don't believe that God speak to people through your sharing on Friday."

"You're implying that God cannot work beyond your own human limitations."

Well, I couldn't argue with that lol. And so I shared.

Another thing the Lord made real to me was that He reveals things to people in His way, and His own timing. On that same discipleship meeting, I vented my frustration regarding how things were being run in youth church, and the state of the hearts of the youths for God. I'd been exposed over the past couple of months to really profound and yet basic truths of the Christian faith, and the urgency of restoring our undivided loyalty and attention towards the Heavenly Father to the extent that when I looked around me, I'd find that it wasn't enough.

It wasn't enough that the guys in cell served in church, they had to give up playing DotA for Jesus because I felt that if we couldn't give up a computer game to spend time with God, I figured it'd be a nightmare for them trying to leave behind this world to enter into the place He has for us in Heaven. It wasn't enough for agreement in the Word to happen during service, it had to be something we pondered and meditated upon at all times, and watching people transition so easily from a hefty sermon to gossiping at lunch made me cringe. I felt it wasn't enough that people were given a chance to preach, it had to come from a place of great understanding in the Word of God and constant citation to ensure everything is biblically sound.

When I expressed this to J N, he was upfront with me and said that my attitude was absolutely wrong. I was judging others for what they did, or didn't do, and it was not out of love. I was accusing others of not loving Jesus, based on my judgments. I was absolutely frustrated because I felt like I didn't belong with my "deep" thoughts in a sea of facade-oriented individuals, and it hurt my relationships with others, and more importantly, with God. On a deeper level, I was frustrated because I felt like I was the one who had to uphold all these things that God had revealed to me, because no one else seemed to care.

J N said that God reveals things to people according to His will and His perfect timing. He said that not everyone moves at the same pace, and it is unjust to classify a fellow believer as incompetent in their walk simply because they are slower than one, or to over-qualify a certain believer simply because they are at a certain position in their walk. God's relationship with everyone is unique and individual, as much as it is cohesive with His bride, the Church.

When I shared about God's love in accordance with transformation, and talked about God's grace and the concept of the Gospel, I was super enthusiastic about it. I brought it up over and over again, paying emphasis to the core of the Gospel, of God's redemption of the human race, the sending of Jesus as a sacrifice, and all of this as an act of love. I believed it was such a great and key part of Christianity that needed to be reasserted frequently, because I saw how it shaped my faith and it was what God had revealed to me through my encounters with Reformed teachings and theology. 

Nevertheless, not everyone shares my enthusiasm. Some don't understand why I would constantly point at it with amazement time and time again when all Christians are in consensus that Christ died for our sins and we were saved by grace through faith. And I suspect that some find my message "dry" because I shared something that was seen as basic knowledge of Christianity and not the solid spiritual food we were suppose to received, having being told we were to "level up" in our faith.

But that's okay. God reveals His truths in different ways to different people at different times. And as long as they all point to Him, it's all cool. It really isn't my concern, because I have no reason to dispute a God who works beyond my human imperfections.

Two lessons learnt in one sharing:

1. Putting my trust in God means not worrying about what others say, be it negative or positive.

2. God reveals things to people according to His plan and perfect timing.

"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts."

- Isaiah 55:9