Hometown

If you'd told the Vivian of two years ago to visit my paternal grandparents apart from Chinese New Year, she'd have retaliated. After all, she hated the place. She hated how the house smelled of burned incense. She sighed in disdain at the thought of sharing the same room with the entire family, in which two thirds were prone to snoring. She found communicating with everyone a daunting prospect, because she didn't speak her own dialect. And she absolutely loathed how empty the house seemed every Chinese New Year, because her family was the only one that bothered to return to Kedah every year while everyone else was "busy" with life in Australia or something.

Yet, here I am - spending a night here in my grandparents' place.

To be fair, I hadn't thought about staying here over the weekend. I initially planned to host a farewell with some friends today, but my parents had told me they wanted me to see my grandma and whoever else who was back in Kedah to say goodbye before I spend the next two CNYs in Texas. I was a little disappointed at first, but after some thought, I decided I'd do it. My parents didn't force me into this one - they'd told me I could totally just ring my grandma up and let her know I was flying off next month. But somehow, I felt it wouldn't cut it. I knew I had to do the right thing.

I needed to make that trip up north.

It's ironic, really. For many years I held it against my parents for making me come back here, for making me endure being in a place I felt I didn't belong. I've lost count of the times I've shed tears in this place.

And yet, there's peace in my heart as I'm here today. I got to spend quality time with my cousin, who's pretty lonely here in Kedah without her parents by her side. I got to have nasi lemak, made by my grandma. I got to hear about my relatives' experiences of studying abroad and their advice. I got to have a bowl of Assam Laksa for RM3 for dinner, along with a bunch of other dishes also priced within the same range. And there's more tomorrow.

But more importantly, I'm not angry anymore. I'm not upset at anyone anymore. I've just learned to let go.

And I couldn't be more grateful.