Anthropologist

Before you question my credibility in writing this post, let it be known that I've been succumbing to isolation and sheer introversion in the past week and am in no position to justify my thoughts and actions. Everything you will read in the following paragraphs are the raw manifestations of the mental injuries I have been subjected to, so do try to keep your judgment as minimal as possible (if I may ask that of you).

Throughout my life, I can safely say that never once have I ever felt a permanent sense of social belonging. For one, I've never arrived at a point where I've totally conformed towards the values and behaviors of a social group. I could be well-acquainted with how things are run within the circle, or even pick up particular attributes that very well mark the individual with the collective, but I've never been known to totally immerse myself in the specifics and in turn, become one with the group. As much as I drive myself to exert the characteristics synonymous to the environment I am thrust into, there is no point of finality, or so to speak, social nirvana, for me. I will never bring myself to say that I truly belong, for there is always bound to be something that exhibits me as uncommon, or peculiar, to say the least.

Within every social group, there are a key set of characteristics that each member is well acquainted with and will exert in the course of their membership. It's a given fact, whether consciously or subconsciously, that we tend to bind ourselves to a code of conduct in order to reinforce our identities via the institutions that provide them. Even I cannot distinguish myself from this rule, for man is a social animal and therefore, I am. Most of the time however, I tend to lie on a continuum when it comes to the supposed ratio of compatibility I possess with members of a certain social group. As a result, I easily tire myself from the endeavors I forcibly participate in. Every day, I am reminded that assimilation is the general order, and conformity the price I pay to dissociate from my penchant of insecurity. I am barely amused by the living souls that contribute energy towards the sustenance of a circle, and I often find most people appalling.

Frankly, I am also aware that this distaste is mutual on their part. I could very well be minding my own business, expressing my personal thoughts towards any individual, and a particular character will somewhat find a way to spit out rebuttals with a waterfall of sarcastic phrases, gushing out to evoke fury within whom these statements are directed to. Suddenly, I am aware - aware that I do not belong where I am not accepted, where I am not loved, and that I should go.

Occasionally, I do find the exceptional human being in this endless search for solace. I am well attracted to the intellectual, philosophical mind, but it is just the same with a soul of sheer simplicity. I constantly admire how pure the latter's aspirations are, how little the expectations they hold unto life, and how easily amused and entertained they are, a trait reinforced by their oblivion towards sarcasm and dark humor. Their emotions are genuine - so utterly untainted, unlike the superficiality displayed by the average, ignorant person.

As for the former, I've always been intrigued by the cerebration of a complex mind, and it brings me comfort to know that there are others like myself, who still exist in this world and are determined to deconstruct it mentally, even if it meant to dwell in an alternate reality and take the path less traversed upon. Nevertheless, this faction remains in a relatively small number, and I have known some of them long enough to have seen them switch allegiances, giving way to peer pressure. Ultimately, I've seen some become so immersed in assimilating that they somewhat lose themselves in the process. I guess tragedy is inevitable.

Nevertheless, with every entry into and departure from the factions that have actively crafted my social web, I become enlightened. By building rapport with the people I am surrounded with, I learn a little more about the myriad of human attitudes towards life and the general demeanor they exude. With every conflict that rises within the circle, I probe into the complexities of human character and classify them into categories where need be. Ultimately, I generalize - I take into account the collective culture of a social circle and put them into boxes to be neatly tucked away in the recesses of my mind.

And that is why I have titled this post as such, for I see myself as an anthropologist - a social scientist who studies the origin, the behavior, and the physical, social, and cultural development of humans. Traditionally, anthropologists studied tribal groups but as there are no "undiscovered" groups remaining in the world, the focus of anthropology has shifted to industrializing and agricultural societies. It's a flexible and progressive field of study, don't you think?

Academia aside, I somewhat find this analogy rather adequate in describing my current circumstances. Perhaps things aren't as dull and uninspiring as it seems, but my judgment has been rather clouded as of late. I know I should be dwelling on the Word of God more frequently and I do find clarity upon reading scriptures, but there are moments when I just can't help but concoct secularist queries which somewhat undermine the ability of faith. I guess now that I've penned all of this down, I've got my answer and should therefore move on with my life.

But I am curious to know, what say you?

Streetlights

The set of photos above were taken during the execution of my Sociology service learning project which comprised of volunteering for a soup kitchen initiative. That night, we were required to head downtown to the streets of KL and participate in distributing food to the homeless and less fortunate, who diligently came to collect their dues while simultaneously upholding a sense of awareness of the premises we were in and observing the behaviors of the individuals in such an atmosphere, all in relation to the sociological imagination and other related concepts.

My supposed skills in photography were requested by a classmate who corresponded with my Sociology lecturer, and thus, I was given the opportunity to capture these emphatically provoking images for recording purposes. I was initially a little hesitant, given that low-light photography was my Achilles' heel, but the endeavor soon proved to be less of a nuisance. I had the decency to use a portrait lens that would suffice in low-light conditions, and I was not merely restricted to recording the events that were taking place. Given that there were five pit stops, I devoted myself completely to serving at some stops and to photography at others.

I have to say, I don't think I've had that much fun partaking in community service than I did that night. It truly was overwhelming, the sense of satisfaction within me knowing that I was able to give without pretenses and watch as the world lit up in the lives of the recipient of our labor of love. It's crazy how these little things bring light not just in the lives of others, but in our own just as well.

By looking at these immortalized factions of my memory, I earnestly hope that you too, will somewhat envision the atmosphere and subject I intended to capture, and have the desire to discover for yourself not only what it is to be under the streetlight that lights up a premise, but to be the streetlight and shine right into the souls of the needy.

Soldier on

Fun fact : Did you know that the term 'survival of the fittest' was actually coined by sociologist, Herbert Spencer and not Charles Darwin, contrary to popular belief?

And that folks, is what sociology does to you.

I find it highly amusing and seemingly uncanny that the first day of the summer semester has already proven to be such a taxing undertaking. Lessons have not officially begun as of now, but I can't say in all certainty that the brief discussions that occurred today were simply in an introductory fashion. There were a lot of critical questions advocated, and many answers, substantial ones to say the least provided in consequence to them. It is a prospect I would appreciate, if it wasn't for the fact that I was partially in slumber mode.

The fun fact above was paraphrased from the Sociology notes I photocopied earlier from the textbook. I thought it was pretty interesting since most people often associate the survival of the fittest to Darwin's theory of evolution, as it bears a familiar context. As a matter of fact, this concept although rightfully attributed to Spencer, is so tied to Darwin that the technicalities of this sociological imagination is known as social Darwinism. Okay, perhaps that wasn't the most interesting of subject matters I could blog about, but I earnestly found it very fascinating. I'm only hoping that my enthusiasm in delving into social sciences does not fade as the huge amount of coursework and academic expectations come into play. Also, I am still unable to tell if my decision to drop Microeconomics and take on Sociology has been a wise one but I believe time will tell. In such cases, I think I'd be better off embracing the perks of irrationalism than be seen howling in regret.

On a different note, the semester break has done little good to me. I might have been able to briefly recuperate and dissociate from the academic realm, but I can honestly say that I'm better off being productive or honing a skill or something of the sort. As for all the scholar's work I told myself I'd diligently partake in, I had to forgo them in the end due to transportation issues. It was that or the 7AM bus and I can tell you with utter confidence, that I chose the former upon impeccably logical reasoning - I cherished sleep. Anyway, fear not, I've already signed up to work for the upcoming university open day and the inaugural arts festival, to be held about two weeks from now. Only God knows how I'll be able to manage, but in a like manner, it is God that I will draw my strength from.

However, the two week holiday wasn't too shabby, I felt. Having amazing company served as a saving grace, and I had the most splendid time bonding with the Nonsensical De-stress buddies over melted ice-cream dampened cones of well, ice-cream. Do not be fooled by it's humble appearance, dear readers for McDonald's vanilla sundae is exemplary as sorrow-drowning paraphernalia, and it costs lesser than beer anyway. Unfortunately, saving grace is not a term I would apply in summary of the supposed 'vacation' I had in Singapore. Personally I would prefer not to disclose on the details of the trip, for it would take too long and would render myself as well as you faithful readers in utter agony, but if you must know, it was an excursion that would have been better off if it hadn't actually occurred. Simply put, it was poorly organized and I think I might have preferred it if we'd saved all that money for my university education fund in the U.S. Oh well, shit happens.

Furthermore, I received my first semester results last week. I wasn't really sure what to think, but from what I've heard, any GPA that's 3.7 and above displays academic excellence. I've discovered today that there are other who have received 4.0s, but honestly I won't attempt to compare or contrast myself with others, for the fear that this will evoke once more, a sense of insecurity and dissatisfaction. But overall, I did pretty well, so I guess I'm pleased with what I've achieved so far.

I'd really love to write more on the occurrences in the past week, but time has been rather strict on me lately. Every time I seem to be ensconced in writing, the littlest and most personal of pleasures, I'm constantly reminded of how little more of it I have left before I must attend to life and therefore, I shall stop here.

But fret not, I will resume this. Perhaps time will be more lenient with me later on.