Intro

I hate writing introductions. You might assume that someone like me, who's been rather acquainted with the art of writing or at least the interest of it would find it a ravishing prospect to be able to begin an essay or any piece of written work without hassle at all. Well, allow me to refute this statement, for I absolutely detest having to pioneer an interesting opening to a written piece.

Whenever it comes down to an essay or even the basic review articles I write for work, I'd always begin by jotting down and elaborating my points. Once that's done, I'd somewhat have the ability to draw up a marvellous conclusion, before painstakingly adjourning back to the introduction of my work upon realization that it is yet to be completed. At this point, it is as if a dam spontaneously decides to build itself upon my stream of thoughts, and inevitably the passage of these thoughts are halted from flowing into paper (or in this case, the screen). As a result, I'd always have a somewhat mediocre (if not horrible) opening passage to every piece of written work and there's been some serious repercussions I've had to face as a result of this disability.

For one, it partly cost me my grades this semester. Due to my incompetent introduction crafting skills, I received a 1 out of 5 for the introduction criteria of an essay I wrote for my interpersonal communication class. A one out of five, dear friends. I'd say "Never in my life have I ever been humiliated as such", but we all know that is one heck of a narcissistic comment and so, I shall refrain. Nevertheless, it was disappointing to see that good use of language could not compensate for a lack of creativity in writing an introduction. I suppose I have only myself to blame for my own incompetence for I see no substantial circumstances that may have dictated my inability to produce an avant garde (if not just interesting) introduction, but frankly it was quite a blow to my self-esteem (see what I did there, heh).

While I haven't quite found the solution to this perplexing matter, I do say it has inspired within me a new revelation of my own personality. Like my inability to produce a sensational, let alone interesting introduction, I am myself incapable of arousing the interest of others through my initial self introductions. I often stumble upon my very first words to a stranger, and I find it even more difficult to find the words when encountering an acquaintance on an impromptu basis. I've somewhat progressed from the awkward smile to the simple "Hello" or "How are you, bro?" stance, but I do feel it is rather insufficient in building relationships with people. Instead, I find my own insecurities quickly get in the way of my making of meaningful acquaintances and friendships. I admit this is a weakness of mine and we have been allowed as humans to have flaws, this is one I'd like to be rid of entirely. I simply cannot see myself as a psychologist if I am unable to discard my inhibitions, for how can one preach if one does not practice?

On another note, numerous people have told me that I do make quite a first impression with the absence of a smile and a stern, grounded facial expression. I am then automatically assumed to be reserved and intimidating, unwilling to be in the company of others. Yet, this is very much untrue for I do enjoy getting to know people and making friends, as frightened and insecure as I am. As a matter of fact, it is I who is easily intimidated by others, especially those who I deem more esteemed and physically attractive than myself. I guess this is another case of a self-fulfilling prophecy, which I do not care to define as you may easily look it up on Google. But I do believe you get my point.

Nevertheless, I'm seeking to change this in accordance with the new year. I've lived far too long in fear, shame and inhibition, and it's time to break free. I must strive to better myself spiritually and adopt an optimistic view of life in my mental realm. If I am to take on the States in the following year, I'd better be up to this challenge which I know I will find very taxing initially, but rewarding eventually. I've had a lot of half-hearted encounters and incomplete endeavors, and so this cycle must be broken if I am to move forward.

4 more days to the New Year. I couldn't be more excited.

Tribute

"The business of life is the acquisition of memories. And in the end, that's all there is."

— Carson, Downton Abbey

I do apologize for not coming up with a proper post since finals ended. Earnestly, I've been telling myself to go ahead and let the words spill out of my mind, but I've been so caught up in a frenzy of emotions that I cannot bring myself to write as fervently as I'd like to.

Anyhow, these pictures I've posted up weren't solely for the purpose of strolling down memory lane — they are a tribute to the late Uncle Poe, who passed away peacefully two days ago. I've never had a penchant for relatives as they were to me more of a nuisance, and I guess you could say it was difficult to get across the ideals of collectivism and filial piety through that thick, individualistic skull (mindset) of mine, but learning of his death was no easy feat. Uncle Poe was one of the closest I've known as part of my vast, intricate web of extended family members. He was a kind and loving man, and was quick to be generous to each and every one of us, his niece and nephews. He was there every Chinese New Year, and he'd always have something interesting for us to do in the midst of the mutilating boredom. He provided the very bundle of joy, my cousin Christine 8 years ago, and while I don't always like spending time playing childish games, she is somewhat still a darling to me. I may not know what lies in the recesses of Uncle Poe's heart, but what I know upon surface value was good and it will remain as such.

You were a good man, Uncle. I won't talk about what comes after life, for the fear that I may disintegrate the good memories made, but I pray you rest in peace. You will be missed.