To begin with, I didn't have any specific expectations for Uth Camp. I only knew inside that God was going to do a great work and I was just pretty open about whatever was to happen.
I gotta say, God truly works in the most mysterious of ways.
Since the beginning of the year, I've had so many questions about the church, campus ministry, evangelism and my faith. Being a part of CF and church simultaneously has been a joy to me; but it also created a burden in my heart. Having been exposed to reformed theology and the depth of the Word through bible study, I found it difficult to reconcile the differences in the perception of God and the gospel between CF and church.
I learned so much about the Word through CF that I soon discovered my church didn't quite have that much grounding in that area. I also had convictions and conflicts within myself regarding the emphasis on tangible, spiritual experiences in church and glossolalia. While I believed they were real, I had doubts about whether their sole implementation would cause the seed God planted in the youths grow on fertile soil. I have had those struggles when I was younger about speaking in tongues and not knowing what my faith was based on, and I felt things could have been done differently in church in order that the youths build their faith on solid ground.
While not all my questions were answered, most of them were. As Psalms 139:23 put it, God had searched me and knew my heart. He had tested me and knew my anxious thoughts. God answered my questions through the workshops and service. He taught me that we were called to make disciples and not converts, and have faith that is of quality. He showed me a different way to approach evangelism in campus ministry through the workshops, and revealed Jesus not just as Saviour, but Lord over our lives. He reminded me to give Him my all (including the part of me that somewhat resolved not to deal with romantic relationships for good) and let Him write my story. He revealed the enormity and greatness of His nature, reassuring me that I could do all things through Christ who strengthened me. The entirety of camp was focused on glorifying Him in all things, and it was spectacular.
On a different note, God also showed me what it meant to serve. Having to sing three nights in a row and play keys one of the mornings was tough. And so was staying up till 3am with the committee members to discuss camp stuff. And it was nuts watching Lionel work on videos last minute as I helped compile all the tiger court evidence into a slideshow. Boy, it was crazy hard, and not everything went according to plan - but it really made me think about what serving as a youth leader meant.
As I pondered, Mark 10:43b-45 came to mind - "But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
Being a leader calls for humility above all else, and I see that in my fellow committee members. While I whined about not getting enough sleep, I realized all these leaders weren't either. But they gave it all they had and served out of love. It's just insane that I've only started realizing what a sacrifice being a leader really demands. These people really deserve to be honored for their service and I seriously have so much more to learn from all of them.
To find myself still at square one has been astonishing. To think that I'm just getting started at this whole leadership thing. But I know that when the next season arrives, I'm up. I'm going to be deployed on His army to serve His kingdom, and it'll be harder than ever, considering I'll be 15,474km away from home. Nevertheless, no matter where I am, it will still be the same, amazing life-changing call.
For that, I am infinitely grateful.
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