Break it off 2.0

You gotta nip idolatry in the bud.

Humans were not simply made to worship, and at some point, they either worship God or themselves.

Human were born worshipping, and when they are not worshipping God, they are worshipping themselves.

There is simply no point of neutrality where we can say we have yet to make that choice. If you aren't filled with the Holy Spirit, you are not empty - you are bound to unrighteousness, you are a slave to sin and you pledge allegiance to Satan, and not God.

This is something I constantly need to remember, to be careful about by being accountable to people and fleeing from temptation, by choosing not to put myself in situations where our morals will be compromised.

We are not stronger than we think. We cannot be so arrogant as to say we have it down and we ain't need no help. We're just wretched sinners rescued by a gracious God - a God who's not one to stick a band aid at some trivial wound, but a God who brings forth life from dead bones.

And if our God can do so much as to be both just and the justifier of us who have transgressed against Him through the gift and work of Christ, how can we still live not in accordance to that truth, that reality that should permeate our every thought, our every being?

This was a real wake up call.

Complacency. I self-handicap for the things I don't know to do, but once I get the hang of it, I take credit for what is done on account of God's mercy. And then I get comfortable, thinking I got this, I can make it, I don't need no education from on high, when I'm seriously setting myself up for stupidity and failure.

And then I fall. I beat myself up, I blame myself, I wonder why I don't ever learn.

And Christ calls me and reminds me whom I serve, and in whom my satisfaction is. It should be Him, except it's not, and so we gotta call out to Him again and trust in His word and His promises.

I feel, felt, like a failure. I made promises I couldn't keep. I trusted in myself, in my emotions, not in my thoughts, not in the Word, and not with discernment through the Holy Spirit - only myself. And I've dished out heartbreak because of my insolence, because I don't put my king first, because I worshipped creation instead of the creator.

I preferred the high that comes from man's empty praise, than His Highness.

Oh wretched man I am, whom will save me from this body of death?

Thanks be to God for Christ Jesus.

And so I turn around, don't look back, keep my eyes on the Cross and move on.

I am grateful. Grateful for family, who can knock sense into me by God's grace. Grateful for friends who rebuke me as they should and speak the truth at the risk of rejection, knowing that God above man is the prime principle. Grateful that the Holy Spirit hasn't failed, that God keeps His promises and continues to convict me of sin and lead me to the path of sanctification that succeeds regeneration.

After all, the mark of a Christian is not sinning less; but repenting more.

3 days left

When I came to accept the weakness and the inadequacy that lived within me as a result of sin that could not be redeemed and reconciled to wholeness by other equally imperfect human beings, I realized then that there had to be more to being myself than just me; more to being ourselves than just us.

And there is (was and always will be), a God that rules and moves beyond anything that I can ever understand, and yet who chose to love me in the craziest way possible when there was nothing in me worthy of such a great sacrifice. A God who is, to all He designed for His glory and His great love.

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. 

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." 

- Ephesians 3:14-21

With love, V

We often have this misconception that love is suppose to be easy, that it's suppose to come naturally and should occur without challenges.

I'm just gonna have to break it to you - IT'S ALL A LIE.

Relationships aren't easy and they are NEVER perfect because we're all broken people.

We were God's beloved in the beginning of time. Then we were rebels, having turned away from God and to sin. We were subject to God's mercy, trying to atone for what we did, but failing to achieve complete purity as we did in our creation. But then God did something extraordinary - He sent His only begotten son to die for us on the Cross and took upon Himself our sin so we could be set free. Free to love Him, and love one another. But being in this world, we still have to live in this earthly body, and it is still filthy as ever. And that's why we stumble. We hurt each other, and it's painful as ever.

But when we remember the great God who loved us so much and did what he could have decided not to, and still be the same sovereign and righteous God, we become compelled to love one another. How we feel, what we think doesn't matter, because God's love for us transcends our human limitations. We are made perfect in His love and in that, cease to fear.

These people in the pictures aren't perfect. They don't always do the right thing and they mess up. They've hurt me with some of the things they say, with their occasional nonchalance. And so have I, when I wasn't clear of who I was in Christ those years ago when I first encountered Him. I was crazy insecure, and I needed constant affirmation from these people just to know I'm okay and they had to give without expectations of receiving. I'm pretty sure they were worn out trying to figure it out with me when I was much more lost than I am now (yes, still lost ahaha).



Serving with them hasn't been easy, and being their friend has been tough as hell, especially with all our respective idiosyncrasies and flaws. But God's love is what keeps us together. We put our trust in Him and we held onto Him for better and for worse, no matter where we were in life.

Love isn't easy. It's more than community and friendship. It's accountability and commitment. And that's scary to our carnal selves.





Yet, out of faith, hope and love, LOVE endures FOREVER and this means endless sacrifice, obedience and forgiveness.

But for something as priceless as love, I think it's pretty darn worth it.

Thank you Jesus

For having mercy on me and never giving up on restoring the relationship between my Dad and I.

For the interview I'm about to attend tomorrow to see if I land that part-time job.

For the smooth settlement of my university application submission.

For helping me let go of the past so I can genuinely bid Josh farewell.

For the good lunch and dinner I had today.

For helping me get through singing back-up during worship earlier with Your presence.

For using me as your mouthpiece and tool on this earth.

For the encouraging and convicting message that you imparted through Peter today on Your steadfast love and being anchored to You.

For my sister's renewed commitment to You through that altar call today (it was inaugural, it was MOMENTOUS).

I cannot thank you enough God, for everything. I can only burst into tears of joy.

Thank you.

Joshwosh

I used to think real friends were people who knew better than to push all your buttons, on the grounds of being understanding. I thought friends were better off passive, with hopes that they'd let me discover on my own that I am more than the monster my past has made me.

But if there’s one thing I've learned from you Josh, it’s that real friendship isn’t easy.

And so is teamwork, especially when two parties are on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to getting things done, even though Facebook always insists we're very similar by encouraging everyone else to tag you as me in CF photos.

Anyhow, thank you for never giving up on me and continually chastising me for being too uptight and kiasu and all a list of other things that summarize me into some kind of 4.0 control freak. I gotta admit, it was a little painful hearing it at first, but I learned to deal with it and go back to God and re-evaluate my attitude and my faith. I might not agree with you on certain things, but I learned to deal with different opinions and criticism because of that.

I know for a fact that real friends are HONEST friends, and you were honest enough to tell me straight in the face about my issues, and that I had to face them and stop running away. Also, thank you for being understanding during my low moments, by keeping silent and letting God deal with me. I know that I’m a lot better now as a person because God used you to speak to me. You're probably having a ball reading this now because you have the "last laugh". Hahaha, GO AHEAD, laugh, it's okay :)

But hey, we've had great moments in the committee as well. Thanks for driving me to my car at the 3rd Eiffel Tower after Bio class, for having such great taste in music (COLDPLAY!), and for pulling CF together alongside Hee Sung and I during the “Internship Neglect” era. Thanks mate for some of the greatest laughs I've had in uni – you've really taught me to hang loose (ba dum tss). Personally I also think you’ve changed quite a bit, from that last-minute, just-wing-it kind of guy into a responsible and considerate guy (won’t call you a man just yet ha), and I'm pretty sure it's not just Voon Ann who has to do with it. It's really Him up there, working in your life. God has really changed you in the span of a couple of months, and I hope your growth won't stop there.

Though I have mixed feelings about you leaving, but I know I'll definitely miss having you around here. Thanks again for the postcard, and for the guitar pick. I've been meaning to get a pick for a while now, but now I don't have to cuz I have one. And really, don't apologize. Whatever's in the past has been forgotten. Let's just look forward to starting afresh and glorifying God in the States!

Goodbye for now, Joshwosh. Stay on fire for God!

Step upper

Looking back at the last year and a half, I am truly blessed to be able to call CF my second home. It hasn't been an easy ride, having to put God first in the midst of uni responsibilities and family; and having to work with a committee of people with different views and spiritual walks. It was also challenging meeting people from different denominations and theological stands, and I gotta admit it did shake my faith quite a bit.

Nevertheless, CF humbled me to ask the difficult questions, and steered me back to the Word and the Holy Spirit. I had amazing fellow committee members and advisors who did not judge me for my doubts and questions, but challenged me to continue wrestling with God in understanding who He is as both a Father and sovereign Lord. They have been great people of accountability and genuine love, unbeknownst to me.

Honestly though, every TUCF-ian I have encountered in this journey has been a real blessing as they have enriched my life with their presence and encouraged me with their testimonies. As I step upper and pass on the baton to the next secretary, I truly hope CF will continue to be FAMILY to everyone who steps into D8.14 (or anywhere), just as it has been for me, by the grace of God.

Love strength

Yes, yew. I'm talking about Yew, Ai Li.

Well, what a way to begin a farewell post. But I suppose you would've expected nothing less from me. I just hope you like my pun as much as I do myself (hehe).

Dear Ai Li,

I honestly feel that our friendship has been way too short. I only seriously got to know you for about three semesters (HIST102? Mehh) from when I met you in IPC class. At that time I didn't think we'd make good friends because you seemed pretty reserved, but now that almost an entire year of makan and amusement has gone by, I think I can actually call you a friend. Not just any friend, a TRUE friend.

I hope you're not lactose intolerant because I know that was cheesy. Ha-ha.

Anyway, thank you GeGirl for all that we've had during this brief period of friendship. Thank you for always being such a great sport when it comes to trying new things (and by things I really just mean food). Thank you for the heartwarming and mind-blowing conversations we've had. Thank you for putting up with my impromptu emo stances and sudden surges of energy that compel me to attack everyone with jokes lame enough to paralyze Usain Bolt. Thank you for the times you drove me to school when my car got into an accident. Thank you for bringing your brother to Sofia's house because now I realize I don't actually want a younger brother anymore. Thank you for giving me a great laugh when you become silly, regardless whether by circumstance or by choice.

But in all seriousness though, thank you for teaching me to let it go let it go can't hold it back any and live. You probably might be oblivious to this, but you've taught me a great deal about making the most out of life.

Having read your stories on your blog, I can really see that you've come a long way. I might not have known who the old Ai Li was compared to the one I know now, or perhaps you are still the same Ai Li you once were, but I can truly say that you've grown to some extent and you're still growing too. I really admired how you just decided you'd climb Mount Kinabalu and actually went ahead and did it, on your own initiative! If there's one thing I can relate to you about, it's probably the fact that we both have many aspirations, and that we have a bucket list of things we'd wanna do while we're still alive. Seeing you accomplish the things you've set out to achieve is amazing, and it inspires me to do the same too. I'm slowly gaining momentum on ACTUALLY GETTING THINGS DONE now, so I guess that's great, but yeah, I really wanted to know that you've taught me that and it has been a blessing in my life. So thank you, and I hope you're encouraged to hear this.

Nevertheless, there are so many more lessons we have yet to learn in life. Ai Li, I pray that you won't give up, in whatever you do. If you ever hear that voice in your head telling you that maybe you can't do it, tell it to shut up or else Vivian will personally go all the way to Indiana to rebuke you! (trust me, it ain't pretty when I rebuke stuff) Okay lah, I don't think I am financially ready to go several states away just to blast your insecurities, but you get my point. Don't let it get to you. Always remember that you are WONDERFULLY and FEARFULLY made in His image, and that YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS YOU. Make sure that sticks, if anything. Continue to be a blessing to others, and treat everyone with kindness and compassion oh and don't worry be happy hehe.

Well, this has been lengthy. Before I spare you from the wrath of my long-windedness, I'd like to say I'm sorry if there was anything I may have said or done that dishonored you as a friend or hurt your feelings. I want you to know that I never meant any of it (even the jokes above are for purposes of humor and humor ONLY). I hope you can forgive me if any such instances have occurred, and that we can look past it and move on. Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to refrain from making fun of if it really bothers you. I will do it, just for YEW. Okay everything except the puns. I GET TO KEEP THE PUNS.

I hope this gave you an idea of what our friendship has meant to me. I'll keep you in my prayers. God bless you and have a safe trip. Toodles!

Your exclusively hilarious friend,
Viviannnnnnn

Heehee (literally)

Dear Hee Sung,

I hope you liked the surprise we all threw you, and that you liked the harmonica all of us helped chip in to get you. I hope God will inspire you to use this harmonica to bless others with your musical talent, and in turn, glorify the name of Jesus. May you continue to walk with the Lord in the pursuit of holiness and allow Him to use you for greater things.

Now, onto the personal and soppy stuff (bear with me!). Firstly, I'd really like to thank you for being my friend. I thank you for listening to me, since the first semester when everything was novel to me and when I was attached to someone, and I thank you that you have continued to be a good listener even now as I've grown from that naive person into the somewhat progressed person I am now. Your advice and your time has been invaluable, and there is no way I can return you this favor, even if I were to monetarily do so. I don't know many people who are good listeners or any who are willing to engage in frivolous debates about the most petty things to more serious issues; but you are one of those rare people - so know that you have a special place in my life.

Your loyalty to your church and to the CF has really inspired me and taught me a great life lesson. At first I couldn't empathize with why you were running around, juggling church duties and CF responsibilities, but eventually when I was placed in the same shoes as you were, I understood what you were going through. I probably won't know what else you might have undertaken during your time here, but I respect and honor your commitment and sacrifice for God. It has encouraged me to be committed to the ministry as well, and not to give up even when things get rough. Nevertheless Hee Sung, let not your zeal overwhelm you to the extent that you do not spend time dwelling in His word and spending time just talking to the Lord. As much as we'd like to please God and leave a legacy, all of this would be in vain if the core of our faith, which is our relationship with God, is not present. So please, do take a break every once in a while and ponder upon what God is speaking to you, and just rest in His love. Other than that, you're doing great in the realm of faith and endurance, and I hope you will continue to remain just as enthusiastic and committed to the Lord!

I believe our friendship has been sanctioned by God, even before we knew each other. Frankly, I never intended to attend CF when I first entered Taylor's. I didn't have any Christian friends I knew, and I was afraid to go there alone. I think I found out you were a Christian after I added you on Facebook after knowing you from Calculus class, and then I asked if you attended CF after History class. You said you did, and then we went to CF together. I believe God placed you in two of my classes, just to make sure I attended CF. Of course consecutively it was my decision to make, but I know that if I hadn't known you I probably would not have gone. After all, we are from different majors and our paths may not have crossed so easily, but it did anyway. I may not know fully what He had in mine, but there is no mistake that this is divine intervention. I'm glad that I had the opportunity to serve with you, and it has been a fruitful endeavor, my comrade in Christ.

I'm truly sorry if there was anything I may have said or done that brought offense to you. Please forgive me if I have done so. I am also sorry for all the presuppositions I have made of you and against you, for I know not to judge another sibling in Christ now. God has shown me what a good work you have done, and the seeds you have sown into the lives of some of our mutual friends, like Fu Ern, Ming, Eden and others. I hope that you will continue to be the same kickass gardener you are now in the field of God's harvest, even when you are in the U.S. Only He knows the AMAZING plans He has for you. Again, I hope you can forgive me for ever judging you, and know that I have forgiven you to in any event you have caused offense to me.

I could go on and on, but I will spare you from the wrath of my long-winded writing. I barely write letters to people, but when I do, I present it to the people who have had an effect on my life. And you are one of them! Yes, Daniel Kim Hee Sung, you have! I wish you all the best in everything that you do, and I ask that Christ be the center of it all in your life. May you grow more and more in Him and attain the full extent of the Fruits of the Spirit. Hopefully we will meet again someday, be it in the U.S., South Korea or even in Malaysia. Anyhow, there's always Facebook so let's keep in touch aite? I'll miss you a lot when you're not around in the next half of the year!

Sincerely with love,

Vivian Teoh :)